Take All My Loves, My Love
by Lomesir
Summary: Hikaru and Pavel begin a romantic relationship, not knowing that some people violently oppose it. Unfortunately, that's just the beginning of their problems. :Part 3 of the Celebrations series:
1. Chapter 1

"I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Sulu."

"And you, Captain. Rest easy."

"Oh, I will." Captain Kirk winked and left the bridge with Spock in tow. Lt. Uhura was still giving instructions to her replacement at the communications station. Hikaru Sulu wanted to socialize with someone, but everyone he knew was occupied. He supposed another few hours in the botany lab were in order.

Next to him, Chekov stretched his arms and yawned. He turned to Sulu. "You would think zat a normal shift would not be so tiring, but I am ready for a break."

Sulu nodded. "Driving a ship is no different than driving a car like that. We're sitting still, but our brains are constantly engaged."

Chekov looked around them to make sure nobody was listening. He leaned in towards Sulu, who copied the movement. "Sometimes when it is quiet, I am doing calculations in my head."

Sulu was taken aback. "Calculations for _what_?"

Chekov looked confused at his question, as if the answer was obvious. "For fun."

Sulu laughed and got up, beckoning Chekov to follow. Poor kid, thinking that math was fun. "I'm going to show you what fun is, because you obviously don't know."

Chekov scoffed but followed Sulu out of the bridge and to the gymnasium.

* * *

"This, Russian boy, is fun."

"Zat is a sword."

"No, it's a foil," Sulu said, handing it to Chekov. The younger man held it away from himself as if the foil would turn into a cobra and bite him at any moment. Sulu snorted.

"The first thing we're going to do today is teach you how to hold a foil."

They were in the corner of the gymnasium by themselves. Sulu hadn't bothered making them change into fencing gear because they wouldn't actually be fencing today. If Chekov's awkward handling of the foil continued, they wouldn't be fencing for a while. Sulu took the foil from Chekov. "Here, hold it like this." He moved into position.

Chekov looked doubtful. "Zat looks like something from a holowid."

Sulu nodded. "Yeah, fencing is really stylized and flashy, but it's also fun. Not to mention a great workout."

Chekov gingerly took the foil from Sulu and tried to copy the pose. After a moment, he dropped it, pink in the cheeks. "I look stupid, I know it."

Sulu shook his head. "You don't, I promise. Actually, that was pretty good. Do it again." Chekov bit his lip but obeyed. "I'm going to move your arms a little bit, is that okay?"

"_Da_. I mean, yes."

Sulu smiled and gently guided Chekov's raised arm lower about an inch. "There you go. You have really good form. You think you look silly, but you look like you've been doing this for years."

Chekov brightened. "Really?"

"I promise."

Chekov rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. "Can you teach me another position?"

"Sure."

Sulu spent the next two hours teaching Chekov the basic positions of fencing. He found himself almost hoping that Chekov would copy his moves incorrectly, because then he would be able to touch his arm or his shoulder in correction. Every time he did this, a bright smile would appear for a moment and a lightness filled Sulu's chest.

* * *

The timepiece on the wall of the gymnasium beeped 1800 and the pair put away the fencing gear. "Dinner?" Sulu asked casually.

"Da, I would like zat. I mean, yes." Chekov blushed. He did that a lot, Sulu thought.

"You know, I don't mind if you speak Russian. It's nice to hear."

"Really? Sometimes I speak Russian to myself in ze engineering decks, and ze other engineers tease."

Sulu frowned. "Well then, the other engineers can stick their wrenches up their asses. You're Russian, you speak Russian. Big deal."

Chekov seemed to inflate. They walked the rest of the way to the officer's mess in happy silence. When they got there, the Captain was eating at his table with Spock and Dr. McCoy. The Captain and the doctor were chatting animatedly while Spock listened. Every few seconds, he raised an eyebrow and cut in. Sulu noticed that he cut in whenever the doctor spoke.

Sulu and Chekov got their trays from the replicator line and look for a table. Chekov made to go to the captain's table, but Sulu shook his head. He leaned near Chekov's ear. "I'd normally say let's sit with the power trio over there, but I kind of want to see if Spock and McCoy start to arm wrestle."

Chekov giggled and sat down at an empty table near the back. Sulu sat opposite him.

"You know, we've worked together for what, three years now? I don't remember ever eating with you."

Chekov nodded and took a bite of black bread. "I am normally eating with ze engineers, but zis is better."

They both glanced over at the table occupied by red-clad engineers. Two of them were arguing heatedly, one was crying into his hands, and three others were determinedly ignoring the other half of the table.

Sulu blanched. "What the hell is wrong with them?"

"It's the angry Lieutenants," Chekov whispered. Sulu raised an eyebrow. Chekov continued. "Zey are called Daniels and Crowe, and zey are wery mean, always fighting and saying ze most awful things about eweryone. Ze crying man is Ensign Wiznewski. He has depression and cries a _lot_. Ze three others are Mozingo, Xu, and Peer. I think zey want to transfer." Chekov laughed mirthlessly. "Sometimes I want to transfer."

"Do Daniels and Crowe give you a hard time?" Sulu hadn't missed how Chekov's eyes darkened when he said their names.

Chekov shrugged. "Yes, but zey giff ewerybody a hard time. I think zey just like to complain."

Sulu furrowed his eyebrows, perturbed. "What could they possibly have against you? You're like the human personification of sunshine and daisies." There was an awkward silence. "Um, sorry. I didn't mean that."

Amazingly, Chekov laughed. "Zat is basically what zey don't like about me. And it is no offense because I _think_ you meant it as a compliment."

Sulu ducked his head, embarrassed. "Yeah, I did."

The moment passed and they talked about work.

* * *

After dinner they went to the ship's library. Unlike the olden days when ship libraries had shelves of precious volumes bound in paper and leather, the library of the USS Enterprise was more of a reading room than a collection. Computer terminals lined the walls and squishy chairs were placed here and there next to warm lights.

"Just between you and me, zis is my faworite room," Chekov said warmly. Sulu looked and him.

"What do you like to read?"

Chekov walked to an unoccupied terminal and took a PADD from a little bin on the side, scrolling through the ebooks it contained until he reached Toltsoy. He handed it to Sulu. "Russian literature, for light reading. Geometry and physics textbooks, if I am bored with it. Sometimes I am reading ze Captain's logs of past Starfleet ships. Last week I began ze log of Captain Archer. He is Admiral Archer, now."

"And this is light reading for you?"

Chekov looked confused again. "Of course. What do you read?"

"Botany journals. The occasional biography. Ballads…and if I'm being honest, a western or two." Sulu ticked off the genres on his fingers. "l really like the eighteenth century. Casanova's autobiography was good, I reread that every year. Sometimes I look at Sade if I'm feeling daring. And of course, the master," Sulu said with a wicked grin. "Don Quixote."

"_Da_, I am knowing Cerwantes! 'Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.'" Chekov doubled over from laughing. Several crewmen glared in his direction.

"A problem other people seem to think you have right now," Sulu joked. Chekov composed himself, still grinning.

"My muzzer is always saying zat one day I will go mad from reading too much. Or zat I will get space dementia and die. She is not deciding yet which one will happen first."

"Well, if you have space dementia, I suppose only Dr. McCoy can save you, but I'll make sure you don't damage your mind with too much reading."

Chekov smirked. "And how are you going to do zat, Mr. Sulu?"

"Why, by fencing you into a stupor, of course."

"Of course," Chekov said solemnly. "And zen I will get better zan you, and zen you will haff to find something else. You haff been warned."

Sulu put his arms up in mock-surrender. "Indeed, I'll prepare for that day. In the meantime, just keep practicing holding the foil."

They both collapsed into laugher again and large lieutenant got up out his chair, staring daggers at them.

"Time to go," Sulu muttered. They ran out of the library.

* * *

Beta shift was almost over. It was about time for Sulu to retire, but Sulu was reluctant to part from Chekov. He'd had the best day he could remember for a long time. He thought Chekov seemed reluctant, too. They stood outside Sulu's quarters and chatted.

"You said you read botany journals. Are you one of the botanist scientists in Commander Spock's group?" Chekov yawned but looked truly interested.

"Heck no. It's just a hobby. Well, I guess you could call it an amateur thing, but I'm nowhere near the level I'd have to be to be in the science division. And I'd never want to switch from being a helmsman under Kirk to a lab drone working under Spock."

A yeoman walked past and they hastily turned their snickering into coughs.

They heard the alert that gamma shift had just begun, and Chekov looked down a little sadly. "Well, we both need to sleep. Good night, Mr. Sulu. Thank you for haffing fun with me."

"You can, uh, call me Hikaru. If you'd like."

What was this feeling in his stomach? He couldn't believe he was nervous.

Chekov bit his lip again. "You can call me Pavel. If you'd like."

"I'd like that."

"I'd like zat, too."

They both looked away and then they laughed.

"Good night, Pavel."

"Good night, Hikaru."

Hikaru watched Pavel walk down the corridor and disappear around a corner before entering his quarters. He stripped off his uniform and brushed his teeth, mind reeling. Questions tumbled in his head, demanding answers and finding none.

What had just happened during beta shift? Did Pavel enjoy their time together as much as he had? Would they hang out all the time now? Did he talk about botany too much? Did Pavel catch his subtle reference to Sade? Would that scare him? Was he a creeper for going after someone so young? Was Pavel even into guys? Should he learn Russian? Why did it take three years for him to have a real conversation with someone who sat two feet from him?

Sulu slid into bed and closed his eyes, but he still saw red-gold curls and bright smiles.

Groaning, he turned over and put the pillow over his head.

_God help me._


	2. Chapter The Second

Three weeks after Pavel first picked up a foil, Hikaru was already teaching him fundamental offensive techniques.

"Do as I do," Hikaru instructed. He posed with the sword for a moment then kicked forward with one foot and slid backward with the other, foil held up. "This is called a lunge, and it's one of the most basic fencing techniques. All types of fencing uses it."

"Ze lunge," Pavel repeated, slowly copying the movement. He and Hikaru were bedecked in white fencing gear, though they weren't wearing their mesh masks. Hikaru nodded approvingly.

"Good, good. Your form is excellent as always."

Pavel beamed.

"I read a little bit about fencing maneuwers last night. Ze basic offensiff technique is ze lunge, and ze basic defensiff technique is ze parry. Will we go ower parries next?"

Hikaru nodded. "Yep." He grinned. "I take it you like fencing if you're studying on your own." Hikaru loved fencing, obviously, but he'd never enjoyed it as much as he did these days, with Pavel. Was it possible that Pavel felt the same way?

"Yes, I do. We haff not been fencing for long, but I am already stronger."

"It is a good workout, I'll give you that," Hikaru agreed, hoping his disappointment wasn't audible in his voice.

After a few more practices with lunges, Hikaru taught Pavel how to parry. The last twenty minutes of their time in the gymnasium was spent with masks on; Pavel lunged towards Hikaru, who parried. After ten minutes, they switched.

The timepiece beeped and they removed the gear. "You're a natural," Hikaru said quietly. "It's such a pleasure to teach you."

"I couldn't imagine a better teacher," Pavel answered, hanging up his foil. "I look forward to fencing with you one day."

* * *

After eating dinner together, they returned to the library as they did every evening since they'd started spending time together. Tonight they were discussing Shakespeare. Their conversation about the best sonnet devolved into a debate about the importance of the "fair youth."

"He was bisexual," Hikaru said firmly. "This is not up for debate. Historians agreed hundreds of years ago about his sexuality. Please don't tell me it matters to you."

Pavel rolled his eyes, exasperated. "I do not care about whom he luffed, but I just think zere is no proof of it." He scrolled through his PADD until he found a book called _The Life and Times of William Shakespeare_. "It is well known zat men expressed affection much differently sewen hundred years ago. Zis book talks about it."

Hikaru crossed his arms. "Pavel, there's platonic affection that gets touchy-feely and then there's straight-up gay. The first sonnet is all about how Will thought his fair youth was the most beautiful person on the planet, and they only get more exuberant after that. What platonic friend does that?"

Pavel shrugged, unconcerned. "One who liffed in ze late sixteenth century. Maybe zis youth really was zat hot."

Infuriating Russian! Hikaru rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Okay, before we argue, please read aloud sonnet number forty."

Pavel _tsk_'d but acquiesced. He scrolled through the sonnets until reaching the fortieth, at which he began to read:

_Take all my loves, my love; yea, take them all._

_What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?_

_No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call._

_All mine was thine before thou hadst this more._

_Then if for my love thou my love receivest,_

_I cannot blame thee, for my love thou usest._

_But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest_

_By wilful taste of what thyself refusest._

_I do forgive thy robb'ry, gentle thief,_

_Although thou steal thee all my poverty;_

_And yet love knows it is a greater grief_

_To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury._

_Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,_

_Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes._

Pavel was lost for words. "Zis is…wery beautiful. I do not understand some of zese words, zo. What is Mr. Shakespeare talking about?"

Hikaru took the PADD from Pavel and sat down on the floor next to the terminal. Pavel sat down next to him, watching Hikaru intently. Hikaru searched for the right way to begin. "The sonnets are telling a story, right?"

Pavel nodded once. "Ze story of ze fair youth, ze dark lady, and ze riwal poet."

"Exactly. In the sonnet you just read, Shakespeare is talking about how the dark lady has stolen the fair youth from him. He's upset with how much power the fair youth has over his heart."

Pavel considered that. "Okay, I see what you mean. Zat does not seem wery platonic."

Hikaru playfully swatted Pavel's arm. "Oh ye of little faith. Never doubt my gaydar."

Pavel cocked his head to one side. "What is 'gaydar'? Is zat a Standard word?"

Hikaru paused. This conversation could go several different ways. He elected to be bold. "It's a slang word for someone's ability to tell a person's sexual orientation. I'm gay, so I have lots of practice figuring out whether other men are, too."

Curiously, instead of replying, Pavel craned his neck and looked around them. Nobody was sitting near them, and most other people in the library were listening to music on headphones. Once he was satisfied that they couldn't be overheard, he turned back to Hikaru.

"Don't tell anyone, but I'm gay, too. But I don't haff a gay-dar."

A pleasant warm feeling was creeping through Hikaru's veins. He nodded and kept his voice low. "I won't tell anyone, but why are you so concerned? This is the 23rd century; it's okay to be gay now." The idea of being afraid to come out seemed kind of funny, actually.

His amusement must have been apparent, because Pavel gave Hikaru a hard look. "Do not condescend to me, Hikaru. I _know_ zat, but not eweryone knows zat. A boy in my school in Russia, Gaffril, was held down and doused with wodka and zen set _on fire_ because he was seen holding hands with Mikhail."

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit, indeed." Pavel shivered. "Pictures of Gaffril were sent around ze student body, people were laughing and saying it was too bad he didn't die." He looked down, face grim. "Now you may say zat we are safe, and it is illegal to attack gay people in Russia, but somehow Gaffril needed sixty percent of his skin regrown."

Hikaru swallowed, recognizing that he'd been properly chastised. "I understand, Pavel. I grew up in San Francisco, where you're more likely to be set on fire for being homophobic than the other way around. I guess I forgot that it's not like that everywhere."

Pavel fought a smile. "I liked my time in San Francisco at ze academy. On weekends, I went to Little Russia, near ze Cathedral of ze Holy Wirgin, with my friends."

"What did you do in Little Russia?" Hikaru was bothered that he couldn't recall ever being there, but he was eager for the change of subject.

Pavel's eyes lit up. "Oh, lots of things! My faworite thing to do was eat at a restaurant zat serfed the best _shchi_ I haff ewer had. On weekends, zey serfed _syriniki_, but zey were not as good as home." A dreamy sort of expression fell over his face, and for a minute he was a million miles away. Hikaru's blank stare pulled him back. "Sour cabbage soup and fried cheese pancakes," he supplied.

Hikaru laughed. "Thanks."

"What about you? What do you like to eat when we are home?"

"Italian food, definitely."

"_Italian_ food?" Pavel was horrified.

"What's wrong with Italian food?"

"Nothing, you know, except zat it has too much sauce, not enough cabbage or potatoes, and zey eat fish all ze damn time." He grimaced.

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Not a fan of fish, then."

"No. If I were marooned on a desert island with only fish to eat, I would be wery skinny by ze time zey found me."

"As opposed to the buff muscle monster you are now."

Pavel smacked Hikaru.

* * *

At the end of the evening, Hikaru walked Pavel to his quarters. They lingered outside the door, ever unable to adequately tie up the conversation and say goodnight.

"Thank you telling me about ze sonnets," Pavel said quietly. "I will not think of zem ze same way."

Hikaru felt a hot flush creeping up his collar. "Of course. I mean, you're welcome. It's really great to talk about them with someone who gets it."

There was an awkward silence.

"Well, haff a good—"

"Would you like to—"

They spoke at the same time.

"You first," Pavel said quickly.

Hikaru cleared his throat. "Would you like to go on a date with me sometime? Nothing serious, just casual."

There, it was out in the open. No going back now.

Pavel bit his lip. "Hikaru…"

"I really like you," Hikaru said in a rush. "I've never had this much fun with anyone. But if you just want to be friends, I swear, that's fine. I won't take it personally."

Pavel turned pink, and once again he checked to see that nobody was coming down the corridor before speaking. "I like you too, Hikaru. And I want to go on a date with you. But we can't be public. I don't want to come out."

Before he could think about what he was doing, Hikaru put his hand to Pavel's cheek. "We'll take it as slow as you need to. That'll be our motto, okay?"

Pavel nodded, placing his hand over Hikaru's. "Okay."

"May I kiss you goodnight?" If Hikaru was going to be Pavel's introduction to the world of dating men, he was going to be a perfect gentleman.

Pavel didn't answer. He simply grabbed Hikaru by the shoulders and kissed him, his hands sliding up into Hikaru's hair. Hikaru suppressed a moan and wrapped his arms around Pavel, reveling in the heat from his lithe body, the feel of Pavel's soft lips against his.

"Get a room, you two!"

They pulled apart immediately. The Captain was walking by, PADD in hand and smirking. He winked at them. "I'm all for some fun, but keep it private. In case you didn't know, your quarters are two feet from you, Ensign." He sniggered and disappeared around the corner.

"Don't worry, he's not homophobic," Hikaru said before Pavel could form a reply. Pavel's eyes were wide.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive," Hikaru said, thinking of the previous Christmas when he'd caught the Captain and Spock walking hand in hand towards the Captain's quarters, drunk out of their minds and describing what they'd do to each other when they got there. "But if it makes you feel any better, I'll ask the Captain to keep quiet."

"Thank you, Hikaru."

"You're welcome," Hikaru said, brushing his lips across Pavel's. "Sleep well, Pavel."

"Pasha," he said. "If you are going to be kissing me, call me Pasha."

"Pasha," Hikaru murmured, trying it out. "I like it. Is it a nickname?"

"It is a form of Pavel, for friends and family. I think ze term is dim…dimen…"

"Diminutive?"

"_Da_. Diminutiff. It'll be our priwate name for me, okay?"

"Okay." Hikaru liked the idea of calling Pavel a name nobody else on the Enterprise would call him.

Pavel entered the code to his quarters and stepped inside, closing the door after one last shy smile.

Hikaru walked to his own quarters, heart pounding. He hastily pulled grabbed a PADD and sent a message to the captain:

**HSulu: Please don't tell anyone about the kiss. PC and I are keeping things quiet for now.**

**JKirk: What kiss?**

Hikaru felt a surge of affection for his captain and friend. No matter what people said about his brash policies and lack of experience, Jim Kirk was a good man.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, he lay on his back in bed, utterly unable to keep his eyes shut. Memories swam through his mind.

Pavel in white fencing gear.

Pavel excitedly talking about his favorite food.

Pavel's lips forming the words of a love sonnet.

Pavel leaning close and whispering "I'm gay, too."

Pavel's lips against his own.

Pavel's hands in his hair, holding him tightly, desperately.

Hikaru took a deep breath, willing his erection to go away. Sex with Pavel was a marvelous thought, and one that kept him up nearly every night these days, but thinking of Pavel naked always led to elaborate fantasies, fantasies led to hoping, and hoping led to disappointment.

_But then again_, Hikaru thought, _Pavel said yes_. He sighed, resigned to the fact that sleep would only come after some serious self-pleasure. He grabbed a bottle of lotion and lost himself in his fantasies.

_Pavel stretched out on his bed, naked and open to Hikaru's care. Hikaru would carefully and meticulously tend to every one of Pavel's needs, like a proper Dominant. Pavel would want for nothing—he need only submit to Hikaru, and Hikaru would be a gracious and generous lover. Pavel would come again and again, crying out for more, for release. Hikaru would run his hands over every inch of Pavel's creamy skin, leaving little scratches and love bites to show the world that Pavel was his, and his alone. Nobody could pleasure him but Hikaru, and Hikaru would make sure that Pavel would crave nobody but him._

"_Come for me, Pasha..."_

_Pavel crying out in ecstasy, trembling and sighing…_

Hikaru threw back his head and moaned into the silence of his bedroom, coming hard and fast.

* * *

Pavel and Hikaru's date was set for three days later, and when they left their shift that evening, they parted ways to get ready.

"I'll see you in an hour," Hikaru promised Pavel as the turbolift opened to let Hikaru off on his deck. Pavel nodded.

"I'm wery excited. I'll see you soon."

The hour was a flurry of last-minute preparations. Hikaru visited Scotty to make sure the replicators were programmed to tonight's specifications, then to the maintenance office where several dozen credits slipped to Yeoman Garcia ensured that the botanical garden would be officially "closed for cleaning" for an hour after dinner. His last errand was to the library, where he directed a holovid file to be sent to his quarters.

At precisely 1800, he knocked on Pavel's door. The door slid open to reveal Pavel in his black recreation uniform. Hikaru realized he'd forgotten to change.

"I think I'm underdressed!" Pavel exclaimed, looking Hikaru up and down. "Just giff me a moment and I'll get back into my uniform."

"No you don't," Hikaru said, pulling Pavel out by his sleeve. Pavel laughed and allowed himself to be led out. Hikaru let go as soon as they were in the hallway, and they walked to the mess.

When they entered the officer's mess, Hikaru pointed to a vacant corner table. "Go sit over there; I have a surprise." Pavel looked curious, but said nothing before making his way to the table. A few minutes later, Hikaru joined him bearing trays laden with replicated _shchi_ and _syrniki_. Pavel jumped up, mouth open.

"_Zaebis_! How did you get ze replicators to make zose?"

"Would you believe me if I said I programmed the replicators myself?" He placed one tray in front of Pavel and blew on his own bowl of shchi.

"Um…_nyet_." Pavel took a bite of his one his syrniki. "Zese are actually not bad," he said after chewing thoughtfully.

Hikaru laughed and sipped his soup. "Fair enough. I asked Scotty to program them. We spent several hours going over it." They could've spent a few more hours at it, too, Hikaru thought with a mental grimace as he swallowed the spoonful of broth. The soup was disgusting.

"Ze soup is delicious, Hikaru. It is a fair imitation of real _shchi_." Pavel sipped the broth from his spoon, clearly content.

Okay, maybe _shchi _was just gross to begin with.

Under the table, Pavel's foot rubbed against Hikaru's leg.

* * *

"This is _Dionaea muscipula_, or the Venus fly trap." Hikaru and Pavel stopped strolling through the deserted botanical garden to examine the delicate plants Hikaru had pointed out. They both had bottles of water, ostensibly for drinking, but which mostly ended up watering plants.

"Why is it called Venus? Did the person who named it think it looked like an alien plant?" Pavel squinted at it and tilted his head. "Which it kind of does."

Hikaru choked on a sip of water. "No, it's called Venus because the horny bachelor who named it imagined it looked like a woman's, uh, you know."

"Ah, I see," Pavel said solemnly. "I imagine zat he also talked to his plants, too. An emotional attachment probably, if he was seeing a _kiska_ when he looked at _zat_." He nodded towards the little plants.

"Um, yeah, talking to his plants would be crazy. Horny crazy botanist men, that sounds like botanists," Hikaru babbled with a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing. Pavel stared at him for a moment then gasped.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Hikaru! I did not mean zat all people who talk to zeir plants are…damn, can we do zis conwersation ower?"

"No, I guess it's best it's out in the open now." He stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Hikaru Sulu. I'm a helmsman and I talk to my plants."

Pavel shook his hand. "Hi, Hikaru. I'm Pavel Chekov, nawigator. I read calculus books before bed and I told ze moron Starfleet recruiter zat my speech impediment was just my accent."

Hikaru's jaw dropped. "You _didn't_!"

Pavel rolled his eyes. "I did. I'm still surprised zat he bought zat. I mean, what kind of language zat doesn't haff ze 'wee' sound names a boy Pavel Andreivich Chekov? That's three times zat stupid letter shows up!"

Hikaru thought about that for a minute. "How come you can say the v sound in your names?"

Pavel shrugged. "Practice."

They continued to walk around the garden, holding hands and talking about funny-looking plants.

* * *

Pavel and Hikaru were making out too much during the holovid to find out how it ended.


	3. Chapter the Third

This was Hikaru's favorite time of day.

Pavel sat astride Hikaru, who was on his back. They were in Hikaru's quarters, where they'd spent nearly every evening after dinner for the last three months. The only nights they weren't together were because of Pavel's obligations to engineering.

Pavel took his shirt off, his skin pulling taut over his thin frame. Hikaru ran his hands over the bare torso, appreciating how hard the flat stomach was.

"You have the cutest little belly button," Hikaru commented, poking it lightly. Pavel hissed and clamped down on Hikaru's hand.

"Don't. I'm ticklish."

"Sorry, won't do it again," Hikaru promised brightly, mentally filing away that piece of information for the future. Hikaru reached up and ran his thumbs over Pavel's sensitive nipples, causing his boyfriend to sigh contentedly.

They'd been fooling around like this for three months. A week after their first date, Pavel announced mid-make out that he wanted to give Hikaru a hand job. Before Hikaru could recover from the shock, Pavel unzipped Hikaru's pants and reached in.

That was a very good night.

Hand jobs on the couch turned into clumsy-but-enthusiastic blowjobs—well, Pavel was clumsy. Hikaru was a blowjob master and wasted no time in teaching Pavel "less teeth, more tongue."

If Pavel liked hand jobs, he _loved_ blowjobs. This worked out well because Hikaru loved giving Pavel blowjobs. Pavel would moan in Russian, eyes fluttering and unfocused, his mouth slack. Hikaru liked to slowly take all of his length into his mouth, causing Pavel to grip the sheets and whimper. After coming down Hikaru's throat with a dry sob, Pavel would collapse on the bed and whisper inaudibly.

Yes, fooling around time was definitely Hikaru's favorite time of day.

Pavel gently moved Hikaru's hands off his chest and got off him. Hikaru propped himself up on his elbow.

"You okay, Pasha?"

Pavel frowned a bit, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. Finally, he said, "I want to do more."

Hikaru suspected he knew Pasha's meaning, but caution was best in the bedroom. "More what?"

"More in bed. I want to haff sex." He looked annoyed.

"Pavel…"

"You said we should wait. Well, I haff waited. And now I want to haff sex."

Hikaru sat up and ran a hand through his hair while he constructed a reply. He wanted to have sex with Pavel—of course he did. But he'd put it off for several weeks because Pavel was so new to this whole experience.

"Pavel, I want to have sex with you,too—"

"_Zaebis! _Let's do it, zen." Pavel unbuttoned his pants.

"—_but_ there are some things we need to talk about first."

Pavel huffed and rebuttoned his pants. "I haff studied sex, you know. Whatewer you are about to tell me, I already know. Test me, if you want."

The corner of Hikaru's mouth twitched. "An STD test isn't the kind of test you can study for, and we both have to take one."

Pavel gaped. "I do not haff a disease."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "I'm not calling you a man-whore or anything, but nobody can be sure until they get the okay from their doctor. Dr. McCoy can do a blood test in ten minutes."

Pavel crossed his arms. "I am not taking any test because I haff not done anything with anyone."

Hikaru furrowed his brow. "What about that girl in high school you took to your graduation dance? Mariya, right?"

Pavel pursed his lips, unimpressed. "It's a wonder zat you made it to senior helmsman, Hikaru, because while you remembered her name, you forgot ze slightly important fact zat Mariya is my cousin."

"Oh, um, sorry. How is Mariya these days?"

"Mariya is fine. Don't change ze subject."

Hikaru sighed. "Pasha, don't get me wrong. I want to have sex with you. I really, really do. But I have my own personal rules for sex, and second on that list is no sleeping with someone unless I know for a fact that they're clean."

"I _am_ clean!" Pavel sounded scandalized.

Hikaru kissed him quickly. "Pasha, please. It's possible to get something without having sex. Needles, blood transfusions, and stuff like that can pass on a bug. And a lot of things don't show their symptoms until years down the road." He kissed Pavel again, though Pavel didn't kiss him back.

"I am clean, and I don't need a test to proof it," he said firmly.

Hikaru stroked Pavel's chin. "Pash, what's this really about? I thought you'd see the sense in testing."

Pavel's jaw tensed, then relaxed. He slumped. "Some of ze engineers haff noticed all ze time we spend togezzer."

"Are they bothering you?" Hikaru asked, voice sharp. Pavel looked up at him.

"Nothing serious, really, Hikaru. It's not ewen most of zem. Zose two hateful lieutenants joked zat I was sleeping with you to get promoted, zat is all." Hikaru's anger must have been visible, because Pavel held up his hands. "Don't bozzer getting mad, Mr. Scott already did. He called zem a bunch of names, told zem zat if zey couldn't act like officers, zey would not get to do officer work. Zey are on a six month-long janitorial detail. I thought zat was kind of long, but Mr. Scott said he was tired of getting complaints about zem."

Pavel massaged his temples. "It's just been a long few days for me. On top of zat mess, Ensign Wiznewski talked about killing himself, so I told Dr. McCoy in priwate, which made him take Aleksy off duty, so now Aleksy is mad at me because apparently I'm ze only one he told."

"Don't feel bad about that," Hikaru said, stroking Pavel's hair. "You may have saved his life."

"No, I know zat, but with him off duty and Daniels and Crowe sweeping ze floor instead of working on ze warp core and ze nacelles, I haff been working more zan usual." He smacked his forehead. "Oh! How could I forget? Nuan Xu and Amelia Peer finally got transferred to anuzzer engineering deck. So now we are understaffed in my department."

He fell back on the bed and breathed deeply. Hikaru rolled to his side and looked down at Pavel's face for a moment, then leaned down and kissed him.

"That's quite a laundry list of problems. How does getting tested fit in?"

Pavel pouted. "I don't want to worry about ze doctor figuring out zat we are togezzer. It'll only make more stress for me."

Hikaru tweaked Pavel's nose. "You don't have to tell him why you're getting tested, bozo. Just go in and say you want to get checked out for, I don't know, good measure. Lie, if you want. Tell him you're planning on asking out a hot chick in your department and you want to make sure you won't give her the clap."

"What is ze clap?"

"Something I really hope you don't have."

Pavel laughed and pulled Hikaru onto him. Hikaru went limp, flopping on top of Pavel completely. "Get off, you lug!" Pavel pushed Hikaru off with some effort.

"Make up your mind, you crazy Russian," the older man chuckled. Pavel sat up and straightened his hair.

"I haff to go to my quarters and do some work before bed, but will you kiss me good night?"

Hikaru stooped down and planted a kiss on Pavel's lips. "Sleep well, Pasha."

Pavel tugged on Hikaru's ear affectionately and walked to the door. Before he opened it, he turned to Hikaru.

"A few minutes ago you said zat no sex without testing was your second sex rule. What is number one?"

Hikaru pulled out his pajamas from his chest of drawers. "Rule number one of sex is to always get permission before trying anything."

Pavel nodded approvingly. "Zis is a good rule."

What brings you into medbay today, son?"

Dr. McCoy swiveled his doctor's stool to look at Pavel on the biobed.

"I want to haff some bloodwork done," Pavel said calmly. "I heard a rumor zat my ex-girlfriend in Russia has an STD."

Dr. McCoy made a note on his PADD. "Smart idea. I'll get the supplies and we can have you checked out for creepy-crawlies in a jiffy."

As he was going through the cabinets and drawers for the supplies, Dr. McCoy asked Pavel, "What's the lady's name? I hope you didn't break her heart by joining Starfleet."

Every girl's name Pavel knew fell out his head.

"Um….M-m-mariya," he stammered, mentally facepalming. "And no. She broke up with me before I left for space."

"Sorry to hear that," the doctor said sympathetically. He held up a blood sample tube. "Just stick out your arm and I'll draw a sample." Pavel did as he was told and Dr. McCoy quickly filled the tube and swiveled around to a small machine, where he inserted the tube with Pavel's blood. "It takes about five minutes to do a complete scan. You can go out into the main bay if you want."

Pavel didn't need telling twice. He bid a hasty farewell and found a seat far from Dr. McCoy's exam room. He leaned his head against the bulkhead and closed his eyes. Dr. McCoy was so earnest and sincere; he felt like an _eban'ko_ for lying to him over something as small as a girlfriend, especially because he didn't think Dr. McCoy would care about why he really wanted to get tested.

"Chekov, is that you?"

Pavel looked up. Ensign Wiznewski was in a biobed in a nearby room. The door was open, allowing him to wave to Pavel. "Come in here, dude!" Pavel's eyes widened—his friend was _happy_. He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen anything but despair on that face.

Pavel walked to the ensign's bedside. "Aleksy, it's good to see you smiling again."

Wiznewski flushed pink. "Dr. McCoy sent me to counselors and they gave me antidepressants. I feel normal again, Pavel." The young ensign grinned up at Pavel. "You saved my life, you know."

"I did no such thing."

"But you did!" Wiznewski's eyes had a fire in them. "I really was going to phaser myself, Pavel. You told the right person, and I'm alive today because of it."

Pavel didn't know what to say, so he just nodded.

Wiznewski rubbed the back of his head, suddenly embarrassed. "I might get my man card revoked for this, but I want you to know that I consider myself in your debt. I know I can't really make it up completely, but if you ever need anything, just ask."

Pavel patted his friend's hand. "Seeing you well is enough, Alyosha. I missed joking with you about work."

"Me too," Wiznewski admitted, shaking his head. "Depression's weird. Some tiny part of me knew that I wasn't thinking normally, but I had no idea what to do about it because I couldn't think clearly enough to see that I needed help."

"Mr. Chekov?" Dr. McCoy was peering out of the exam room.

"I'm coming!" Pavel called. He said his goodbyes to the ensign and went back into the exam room. Dr. McCoy showed him his PADD.

"This is your clean bill of health, Ensign. You're good to go."

Pavel flashed him a grin. "Thank you, doctor. That's a relief to me."

"Don't be a stranger now," Doctor McCoy chided as Pavel walked out.

"Listen up, mister. I do not haff gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, chancroid, syphilis, scabies, AIDS, hepatitis, or any one of forty-sewen sexually transmitted diseases ze doctor can test for." Hikaru and Pavel were in the former's quarters. Hikaru was sitting on his bed—Pavel was standing in front of him, arms crossed.

Hikaru held up his PADD. "Glad to hear it. Here are my own test results."

Pavel waved the PADD away. "I'll take your word for it." He sat down next to Hikaru on the bed, elbows on his knees. "So what is your next hurdle for me to jump ower?"

Hikaru looked sidelong at Pavel. "Just to be clear, you've never had sex before, right?"

"Right."

"Not with a man _or_ a woman?"

"Not with a man or a woman, and definitely not with Mariya."

Hikaru bit his lip, trying not to smile. "Then my biggest issue now is making sure you know that sex isn't always perfect, especially the first few times. I don't want to hurt you."

Pavel's expression softened. "I'm not scared of pain, Hikaru. I trust you to do things right, and if it hurts too much, I know you'll stop. Besides, it will feel good later, _da_? We'll newer get to zat place if we don't try."

Hikaru wordlessly thumbed Pavel's cheek, marveling at how smooth his skin was. "You…you're a very beautiful person, Pasha. I hope you know that."

Pavel kissed Hikaru's palm. "Would you say I'm your fair youth?"

Hikaru pulled Pavel to him for a bruising kiss. After several long seconds, he pulled away. "I have some things to do, but come back to my quarters tonight."

Hikaru and Pavel lay on Hikaru's bed, freshly showered, naked, and quiet except for the occasional moan. Pavel was draped over Hikaru, kissing him languidly while stroking his side. Hikaru's hands were cupping Pavel's firm buttocks, kneading them softly. They'd been like that for nearly half an hour.

Pavel leaned down towards Hikaru's ear. "Now, please. I want you _now_." He gently lifted himself off Hikaru, who swallowed.

"You're sure?"

Pavel took a deep breath. "Yes. I'm sure."

Hikaru opened his bedside drawer and took out a little tube of lubricant. "Lay on your back and I'll prep you."

Pavel reclined on the bed, one arm under his head. He blew a kiss to Hikaru. "Smile, _vozlyublenny_. You're about to haff sex with me, not perform an autopsy."

Hikaru did smile then; he loved to hear Pavel speak Russian in the bedroom. He popped open the bottle and squeezed some lube on his fingers. "This is warming lube, so it might feel funny in a minute."

He slipped a finger inside Pavel up to his first knuckle, and his breathing hitched. "Don't stop, Hikaru."

"I won't until you tell me to," Hikaru promised. He delicately pushed in two his second knuckle. "You're really tight, Pavel."

"Is zat bad?"

"It just means we'll go really slow, but that's our motto, remember?" Hikaru stroked Pavel's insides, causing him to gasp. "I said that we would go as slow as you want, and I meant it."

A second finger slipped in, and Pavel squirmed. Hikaru stroked Pavel's length, murmuring about how wonderful Pavel felt. Once the second finger was in, Hikaru slowly scissored his fingers to stretch him.

"How do you feel?"

"It burns a bit, but I don't want you to stop."

"Okay." Hikaru inserted a third finger, this time with some difficulty. Pavel's jaw tensed. _He'll tell you to stop if he wants to stop_, Hikaru reminded himself. As much as he wanted to utterly _debauch_ his young lover, he wanted him to enjoy the experience.

When Pavel was as stretched as he'd ever be, Hikaru grasped his hands. "Ready?"

Pavel grabbed Hikaru for another rough kiss, fingernails raking down his back. "_Da_."

Hikaru lined himself up with Pavel's opening and met Pavel's gaze. Pavel's expression seemed to challenge him—was he as brave as Pavel was?

He pushed in an inch. Pavel winced and started to stroke himself. "More, Hikaru."

Hikaru pushed in another inch, and then another. Pavel was breathing deeply—Hikaru had finally figured out that he did that when he was stressed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Don't stop."

One last push and he was fully seated. Pavel laced his fingers in Hikaru's. "Move, Hikaru, please." Hikaru pulled out slowly and pushed back in. Pavel gasped. "Do zat again!"

"I'm not hurting you?" Hikaru didn't dare believe that.

"It burns, but zere is something else zere, too."

Hikaru continued to thrust slowly, focused on Pavel's reactions. Suddenly, after one thrust—

"Oh!" Pavel's back arched. Hikaru thrust again at precisely the same angle. Pavel urged Hikaru on, moaning in Russian.

Hikaru happened to glance down as he pulled out. He froze—small smears of blood were on his penis. "You're bleeding!"

He pulled out and Pavel gritted his teeth. "Hikaru, I luff you, but if you do not put zat thing back inside me, _you_ will be bleeding."

"No," Hikaru snapped. "You're injured and I'm taking you to Dr. McCoy." He started to look for his underwear, but Pavel hit him with a pillow.

"I'm fine! You said zat if I said it hurt too much, we'd stop. It _doesn't_ hurt too much, I _am_ fine, so _byt' chelovekom_ and fuck me like you said you would!"

"What did you just say in Russian?"

Pavel gave Hikaru an icy stare. "Be a man."

There was a long silence in which they both stared at each other, and then Hikaru started laughing. Pavel wrinkled his nose. "What is so funny?"

Hikaru wiped a tear from his eye. "Pavel, this is our first fight, and it's over _this_? _Really_?"

The corner of Pavel's mouth twitched. "Just get back on ze bed and finish ze job you started. Zen I will go see ze doctor. I promise."

Hikaru shook his head, still grinning. "I told you, I'm not going to hurt you anymore."

Pavel cried out in frustration. "_Sookin syn_! What do you want me to say?" To Hikaru's surprise, Pavel blushed. "I like it, okay? I like a little bit of pain. Not a lot, but some. It is like salt on a margarita."

Hikaru didn't think Pavel was lying, but he still wasn't sure what to do. The noble part of him wanted to take Pavel down to the medbay at once, but a fast-growing part of him wanted to see just how far Pavel would go. He got back on the bed. "If it hurts too much—"

"I'll tell you. Now fuck me, why don't you?"

Hikaru held his sleeping boyfriend in his arms and stared at the ceiling. Their first time had been so…surreal.

Had Pavel lied about liking pain? It wasn't that Hikaru had a desire to cause Pavel harm—far from it—but the fact of the matter was that Hikaru's true sexual desires featured some things that could charitably be called deviant. Hikaru himself called them 'rough'. In practiced hands, a riding crop could bring as much pleasure as it could pain, though the proclivities of the person being smacked was certainly a factor.

Hikaru had known from his teenage years that he desired a partner to dominate, just as he knew he had no interest in one-night stands or friends-with-benefits. He wanted a closer connection—a deep connection that was more than just sex and play. His ideal partner was a Submissive, but certainly not submissive in the literal, negative sense. He'd gotten a thrill from Pavel ordering him to "finish ze job."

Pavel mumbled something in his sleep. Hikaru pressed his lips to his temple.

They were made for each other—Hikaru knew it in his bones. All he had to do now as convince Pavel of it.

"How did you say you hurt yourself again?"

Pavel bit his lip. Nurse Chapel was watching him intently, lips pursed.

"I, uh, don't know. It just happened."

"Uh _huh_."


	4. Chapter the Fourth

**Author's Note:** This chapter makes a direct reference to events in A Celebration of Bad Sex - Sulu/Chekov 1. It's not necessary to read it to follow along, but the chapter is sexy and funny and I'm sure you'll all like it. s/9512392/6/A-Celebration-of-Bad-Sex

* * *

Pavel couldn't recall the last time he'd been so sublimely happy with life.

He and Hikaru had been having sex regularly for two months now, and it was the highlight of Pavel's—well, everything. The first few times had frustrated Pavel with their slowness, but his body adapted quickly to Hikaru's penetration and now prep time was short and the sex was invigorating.

On top of an enthusiastic sex life, Pavel had been given a new position in engineering. Two junior grade lieutenants transferred onto the Enterprise to replace Xu and Peer, taking much of Pavel's workload off of him and allowing him to focus his attention elsewhere. Mr. Scott placed him in charge of monitoring the delicate instruments of the impulse drive, which allowed the starship to travel at sublight speeds when necessary. Pavel's new post was in a small corridor adjacent to Engineering Deck 1. He liked it there; it was one of the few public places on the ship that was quiet. When the door to the corridor closed behind him, all he could hear was the hum of instrumentation, faint beeps, and the omnipresent thrum of the warp core.

Today was his fourth day in the "impulse closet", and so far everything was in good working order. He had quickly established the most efficient way to monitor the readings, allowing him a minute here and there to daydream.

Tonight made five months since he'd started dating Hikaru, and he wanted to do something special. He thought about recreating their first date, but with Hikaru's tastes in mind instead of his own. (Hikaru finally admitted that he'd rather go hungry for a week than eat _shchi_ again.) He'd overheard other crewmen praise the replicated spaghetti before; perhaps he could organize some kind of spaghetti dinner with garlic bread and salad. That didn't sound too bad.

A light blinked where it hadn't before and Pavel turned his attention to his duties.

"Why do our dates always end up like this no matter what we plan?"

Hikaru pulled out of Pavel and collapsed on top of him. Pavel rested his hand on Hikaru's head and lightly fluffed his hair. "Probably because no date is as fun as ze feeling of you cumming inside me."

Hikaru moved his head so he could look at Pavel. "Aw, come on. At least one of our dates was fun."

Pavel smiled. "You misunderstand. Our dates are fun. Sex is _more_ fun."

Hikaru nuzzled Pavel's stomach. "I've created a monster. A sex monster."

Pavel pinched Hikaru's butt. "You got that right."

Hikaru rolled off of Pavel and pulled the sheet over them. Pavel put his arm around him and they kissed for a minute. "So tell me, Mr. Sex Monster, what do you want to do for our anniversary?"

Pavel's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I thought we just did our anniversary party."

Hikaru chuckled. "That wasn't anything unusual, and you said you wanted to do something special."

Pavel looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to haff sex. What about you?"

Hikaru idly stroked Pavel's stomach. "We can still have sex. Do you wanna try something different?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have any fantasies? We can play one of those out if you want." He winked at Pavel.

Pavel smiled softly. "I'm so boring. My only fantasy for a long time was zat you would rip my clothes off and haff your way with me. Now you do zat all ze time. Not zat I'm complaining, of course."

Hikaru moved his hand from Pavel's stomach to his penis, which was already hardening again. He deeply appreciated Pavel's young, responsive sex drive. "I'm flattered, truly," he said before kissing Pavel's stomach. "But surely there's something you want to do."

"Haff sex on ze bridge when eweryone's watching…"

"…Something _realistic _you want to do."

Pavel shrugged. "No, I am happy with sex as long as it's you I'm with. But what about you?" Hikaru _hmm'_d and drew little shapes on Pavel's skin. Pavel poked his shoulder. "Come on, tell me. What do you want to do?"

Hikaru couldn't quite meet his eyes. He knew his kinks were nothing to be ashamed of, but Pavel's admission of desiring nothing more than Hikaru was a little humbling. "Well…"

"Is it bad?" Pavel gasped dramatically. "Do you want me to pretend I got a poor ewaluation and say I'd do _anything_ for a better one?"

Hikaru made a face. "No! It's not like that."

Pavel persisted. "So what is it?"

Hikaru chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Do you…do you know what BDSM is?"

Pavel's blank look said everything. "Beedeeism?"

"B-D-S-M. Four letters."

Pavel shook his head. "What is it? Some kind of drug?"

"No, it's an acronym. Actually, it's a bunch of acronyms, depending on which letters you're focusing on. It means bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism."

Pavel's eyes widened. "I am not knowing zose last two word, but I know ze first ones."

Hikaru felt his face redden. He'd had this conversation with other partners, and it never got easier. He cleared his throat. "Sadism and masochism are, uh, liking either causing pain or receiving pain, in a bedroom sense."

"In a sexual sense, you mean."

"Yes."

Pavel gently pushed Hikaru off him and sat up. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "Hikaru, are you trying to tell me zat you haff fantasies about—about zis bee-deeism?"

Hikaru tried to pull Pavel down again. "It's nothing, really, Pavel. Forget I said anything."

Pavel resisted, looking at Hikaru with an inscrutable expression on his face. He crossed his arms. "Zere are clubs in Russia where people put masks on zeir partners and beat zem with sticks in ze street until zey cry. It is a sex thing. Is zat what you haff fantasies about?"

Hikaru sat up quickly. "No, Pasha, I swear. Please, forget I said anything."

Pavel took a deep breath. "You might think I am a naïff—"

"I don't think you're naïve—"

"—little wirginal _durak_ who only knows what you haff told me, but belief it or not, I know something or two about sex." Hikaru started to speak, but Pavel's expression silenced him. "For one, I know ze difference between a fantasy and a fetish. And I know zat most people who like weird stuff in ze bedroom are newer truly happy with anything else."

Hikaru's jaw dropped. "Who told you that? Because that's just not true."

Pavel _tsk'_d and rolled his eyes. "I am a twenty year old man, and I am locked a starship with seweral hundred ozzer young horny people. Sometimes, we talk."

"Pasha, sweetheart, I love our sex. I've never enjoyed sex more. You have to believe me. I'm not holding out for something better, as you seem to think."

"Zen what is zis bee-deeism talk?"

Hikaru explained as best he could. "Remember how you said you liked a little pain?"

Pavel inhaled sharply. "Yes."

"Well, part of BDSM is about that. It doesn't have to be, but it can be. You're not alone in liking salt on the margarita, as you put it. In fact, a lot of people do." He looked at Pavel, doubtful. "Sometimes I dream about—about—"

"Tying me up and hurting me."

"Safely and consensually exploring our interests."

Pavel gave Hikaru a look that plainly said "are you kidding me?"

Before Hikaru could continue, Pavel got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. "Don't follow me."

Pavel came out ten minutes later and slid under the covers. Hikaru was curled up on his side, unsure of how to proceed since he wasn't certain that he had a boyfriend anymore. Hikaru dared himself to look at Pavel. He was gazing down at him, a bemused sort of smile lighting up his face.

Pavel held a hand up to Hikaru before he could speak. "Okay, here's what I am thinking. I am thinking zat you are not a psychopath, and you luff me."

Hikaru kissed Pavel's palm, ecstatic at this unexpected turn in the conversation. "I do, Pasha. I really, really do."

Pavel raised an eyebrow, but his eyes softened a bit. "I do not understand why you like ze idea of causing me pain. But I do trust you. I haff made ze decision zat I will not break up with you—"

Hikaru pulled Pavel into a wild kiss. Pavel patiently waited for him to finish before starting again.

"—I will not break up with you, but I want to talk wery much about zis. I haff rules."

A great time was had by all, until the end, when the handcuffs turned out to be real, as was the security alert for a Klingon attack.

"It was accident, I _swear_."

Sulu crossed his arms and considered punching Giotto. Surely it would count as justifiable. "An accident? Both sets of handcuffs were real. I'd believe you if it were one, but no, both of them were."

Sulu had approached the fellow lieutenant a week earlier for a private favor: two pairs of bedroom handcuffs. Giotto had smirked and winked and said he knew exactly where to get them. Three hours later they were hastily pressed into Sulu's hands with a cheery "have fun." Hikaru planned to; Chekov had finally agreed to a roleplaying scene involving handcuffs, a riding crop, and copious amounts of sex.

Unfortunately for Sulu and Chekov, they discovery of the handcuffs authenticity came during a security alert. Sulu had resorted to shooting the handcuffs off Pavel, and even then Jim had been furious for their tardiness to the bridge, though he mercifully had forgotten to ask _why_ they were late.

As soon as the dust cleared, so to speak, Sulu hunted down Giotto. He wasn't buying his story that it was an unexplainable accident.

Giotto pushed his bangs back, searching for an answer. "Listen, Hikaru, buddy, I would not fuck you over like that. You gotta believe me. The guy I got them from swore that they were what you requested."

Hikaru did a double take. "Back up. They weren't yours?"

Giotto shook his head fervently. "No, they belonged to a guy in engineering. Crowe, I think. We met when I pulled security down there last year. He once mentioned using them with Yeoman Garcia."

Hikaru pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, I know of him. Did you mention why you wanted them?"

Giotto turned red. "I…I might have mentioned your name, but nobody else's."

A bunch of pieces fell together in Hikaru's head. Yeoman Garcia was the woman Hikaru paid off every week to keep the botanical garden closed for just Hikaru and Pavel's dates. If she were friendly with Crowe, then it was possible she'd mentioned their weekly trysts in there. And with the unquashable rumor that Pavel and he were an item...

Damn it, they'd been played.

Hikaru pursed his lips. "Alright, I think I know what happened, but next time, double check the merchandise. I think Crowe used you to screw me over."

"I'm really sorry, man."

Hikaru turned on his heel and walked out.

"Let's haff sex."

Hikaru covered his face with his hands. "Babe, we just had sex."

Pavel poked Hikaru's shoulder. "I know, but I still want to haff more."

"What the hell is in that shchi stuff?" Hikaru wondered aloud. "It's gotta be something you're eating."

Pavel twirled one of his bouncy red-gold curls. "It is something I'm drinking. I am swallowing your cum sometimes, and it is like drinking sea water because ze more I drink, ze more thirsty I am." Hikaru uncovered his face to stare at Pavel's all-too-innocent expression. Dammit, he had his Bambi eyes on. "I know it is asking a lot, but I just want you to hold me down and tell me I haff been wery bad, and zen fuck me until I scream, and zen—"

Hikaru's hand was between Pavel's legs, and Pavel was cut off by his moan. "You know," Hikaru said conversationally, "when I suggested we get a little kinky, I really had no idea what I was getting into."

Pavel spread his legs in invitation, and Hikaru covered his boyfriend's pale body with his own.


	5. Chapter the Fifth

**Author's Note**: This chapter references the events of A Celebration of Bad Sex - Sulu/Chekov II. If you wanna read about Hikaru breaking his penis, go here: s/9512392/9/A-Celebration-of-Bad-Sex

* * *

_I suppose it couldn't stay all good forever_, Pavel thought to himself, pouting internally.

He quietly sipped from his water bottle, disliking the feeling of the cold water over his lacerated tongue.

Hikaru and he had mutually agreed on a short break from sex three days previous after a particularly embarrassing bedroom mishap; Pavel had fallen during some rough sex, resulting in a perforated tongue for Pavel and a "penile fracture" for Hikaru, as Dr. McCoy had wryly informed them. The dermal regenerator had mostly healed Pavel's wounds, but the skin was still tender and sensitive to cold. Hikaru was laid up in the medbay.

Much to his consternation, word had spread at an alarming speed about Pavel and Hikaru's "accident." They were still _officially_ just friends, but between the injuries from this week and the pervasive rumor of wacky handcuff hijinks two weeks previously, Pavel knew that any reasonably intelligent crewman would put the pieces together and come up with an intimate relationship between the helmsman and the navigator. Because of all this, Pavel appreciated his quiet, secluded engineering work post more than ever. For a few hours a week, he didn't have to suffer through sidelong glances, giggles, and whispers.

The only person in engineering that Pavel felt comfortable talking to was Ensign Wiznewski, who was still so grateful for Pavel's intervention that he was fairly sure he could tell Wiznewski he was planning a mutiny and be able to rely on Wiznewski's support. As it was, he'd requested to shadow Pavel one day a week so he could cover his post if the need arose.

Unfortunately, the other ensign was held up in mandatory counseling today, so Pavel was alone. He didn't mind too much; it hurt to talk, and Pavel preferred to sulk in silence. He had a lot to sulk about.

Stupid Wiznewski with his stupid depression.

Stupid crewmen and their stupid gossip.

Stupid Hikaru and his stupid broken penis.

Stupid Daniels and Crowe, waggling their eyebrows and blowing kisses whenever he walked by.

Pavel threw his stylus across the corridor in frustration when he recalled the last of those complaints. Daniels and Crowe had become insufferable of late, always making little comments to him and holding their wrists together as if wearing invisible handcuffs. He couldn't imagine how anyone knew about the handcuff mishap—Hikaru wouldn't tell—but he absolutely would not confront them about the harassment; acknowledging that he knew what they were implying was as good as admitting that it was true. So far, the rumors were just rumors, and he would _not_ be the one to confirm them.

Still, not all was bad on the Daniels/Crowe front, Pavel remembered with a fierce kind of pleasure. Mr. Scott had caught them blowing kisses and yelled at them yesterday, then extended their punitive detail. The murderous glares they'd given Pavel did nothing to scare him—what were they going to do, think bad thoughts in his direction until he died?

The faint whoosh of the door opening behind him pulled him out of his thoughts. He didn't look up from the pressure gauge he was calibrating since he knew it was just Aleksy. "Did zey let you out early, Alyosha? Zat is uncommonly kind of zem."

"Alyosha? What, you fucking Wiznewski, too?"

Pavel spun around. Daniels and Crowe were standing at the end of the corridor, smirking. Daniels was leaning on his broom. Pavel narrowed his eyes. "Stop bozzering me. You are already on one punitiff detail. You don't need anuzzer."

Daniels stopped smiling, but Crowe did not. "Would you listen to that?" The latter lieutenant said. "The ensign is giving orders to superior officers." He chuckled. "We'll let that pass if you answer a question we've been wondering for a few days."

Pavel grit his teeth. "What is your question?"

Crowe stroked his chin thoughtfully. "We were wondering just how badly Sulu beats you up during your freaky sex sessions."

A chill ran down Pavel's back. "I don't know what you're talking about." He was proud of how much anger he could put in his words. This was sexual harassment, plain and simple.

Dark amusement filled the lieutenants' faces. "Yes you do, _Pasha_."

Pavel flinched. The pet name sounded like a curse when Crowe said it. "Don't call me zat."

Crowe leaned against the instrumentation panel and several buttons and switches beeped. Pavel couldn't imagine what he was messing up. "Why not, _Pasha_? Is that was Sulu calls you when you're all tied up and begging for cock?"

"Stop saying zat!" Pavel knew he needed help, but yelling was pointless—the quiet he enjoyed so much in the corridor was possible because of a soundproof door. His eyes flickered towards the exit, but the two tall men made it impossible to get to. His heart rate increased, and he breathed in deeply. They were just trying to scare him; there was no way they'd dare dream of actually hurting him. "Zis is conduct unbecoming of an officer."

This was actually a bit surreal. They'd been bothering him for months, but this whole scene felt like it came out of nowhere.

"You want to talk about conduct unbecoming, Pash? You're getting fucked in the ass every night by your superior. And not only that, you get off on him slapping you around like some kind of fuck toy."

"It's not like that!"

As soon as he said the words, he realized his mistake. Daniels and Crowe stared at him in open shock.

"So it's true," Daniels said finally, his low voice laced with malice. "It's one thing to be gay, but you're a whole different kind of pervert. You know, I read that people like you get off on eating shit and drinking piss. Is that what you guys do at night?"

Pavel made a bolt towards the door. Daniels caught him easily and shoved him up against the bulkhead, forearm against Pavel's throat. "Where do you think you're going, sweetheart?"

"_Idi na khuy_," Pavel bit out, voice raw from the effort. Crowe reached forward and thumbed Pavel's cheek.

"You're pretty, I'll give Sulu that. I can almost imagine your little lips sucking my cock." He glanced down. "Small ass, though. That's gotta be a tight fit. Did you bleed like a virgin the first time he fucked you?"

Pavel spat on him.

Before Crowe could retaliate, Daniels hit him across the jaw with the handle of his broom, causing Pavel to fall sideways and crumple on the floor. Crowe grabbed him and pulled him up, pinning his arms behind him with a clever one-armed maneuver that hurt quite a bit.

Pavel grasped at anything he could think of to remain calm. "You're assaulting a Starfleet officer. Say goodbye to your careers."

They both laughed, and the back of Pavel's neck prickled.

Still laughing, Daniels brought the handle of his broom down over his thigh, breaking into two splintering pieces. He turned to Crowe. "I can't believe we were put on punitive detail because of this bridge bunny." He handed the smaller of the two pieces to Crowe, who looked at it thoughtfully, all the while holding Pavel.

"I wonder what I could do with this," he said, smiling serenely. Without warning he shoved Pavel against the bulkhead once more, breaking his nose from the force. Pavel cried out, blood spilling down his chin and dripping onto his red tunic.

"Why such a long face?" Daniels sneered. "This is what you call fun, right?"

"Zey will throw you in ze brig for zis," Pavel whispered.

"No, they won't," Daniels said cheerfully. "Everyone aboard knows now that you _like_ pain. It'll be the word of a perverted ensign against two senior officers."

Crowe deftly bent Pavel's fingers backwards until they broke. "Lock the door," he ordered Daniels, speaking over Pavel's screams.

**TRANSCRIPTION OF LT GIOTTO'S CONVERSATION WITH ENSIGN ALEKSY WIZNEWSKI**

**FOR INVESTIGATIVE PURPOSES**

2144 Hours

LT.G: Good evening, Ensign.

AW: Um, good evening, sir.

LT.G: For the record, please state your name and rank.

AW: I'm Ensign Aleksy Wiznewski.

LT.G: Ensign, you've been called here to tonight to give your official account of what happened earlier this evening. The Captain and First Officer are speaking with Dr. McCoy right now; they'll want to talk to you down the line. For now, it's just us.

AW: O…okay.

LT.G: Don't worry, you're not in trouble. I just have some questions.

AW: I understand.

LT.G: Dr. McCoy said you were the one who called the medical alert tonight. Is that correct?

AW: Yes.

LT.G: Why did you do that?

AW: I went to the impulse closet, th-the place where I work with P—Chek—Ensign Chekov. He was lying on the floor, bleeding really badly. I tried to shake him awake but he didn't move, so I hit the medical alert alarm.

LT.G: Did you have any ideas about what had happened?

AW: I thought someone had beaten him up.

LT.G: Why?

AW: Well, there impulse closet doesn't really have anything in it that could cause an accident like that. Also, his clothes were, um, off.

LT.G: Were all of his clothes removed?

AW: No, he was still wearing his tunic and undershirt, but his bottom half was bare. [sound of sniffling]

LT.G: Ensign, was there anything else in the impulse closet with him?

AW: Yeah, there was a piece of wood. I thought that was weird.

LT.G: Please describe this 'piece of wood.'

AW: Um, maybe about ten inches long, and splintered at once end, like it had been broken off something. The splintered end was…[crying]

LT.G: Here, have a tissue. You were saying?

AW: The splintered end was covered in blood. [more crying]

LT.G: Did you see anything else? Think carefully?

AW: His hands, lieutenant! What did they do to his hands?

**END TRANSCRIPTION**

**TRANSCRIPTION OF DR. LEONARD H. MCCOY'S CONVERSATION WITH CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK**

**FOR INVESTIGATIVE PURPOSES**

2140 Hours

JTK: Who the fuck did this?

LHM: I don't know, Jim.

JTK: What did they do to him? Give me the whole list, Bones, so I know what I have to do to them when I catch them. [Transcriber's note: JTK frequently refers to LHM as "Bones"]

LHM: From what I can tell from the scans, they choked him, broke eight fingers by bending them backwards, and kicked him in the stomach and ribs repeatedly. There's some bruising on his legs, too; he probably got those from curling up to protect himself while they were kicking him. He's also got a broken nose, cracked teeth, and, uh…you're really not going to like this next one.

JTK: After all that, whatever you're about to tell me is the one I'm 'really not going to like'? Jesus Christ.

LHM: Most of the blood on him was from being penetrated with a foreign object, though I doubt the culprit was female. I don't know what it was, but it was made of wood.

JTK: How do you know?

LHM: I removed splinters.

JTK: Oh, fuck. I'm going to kill them myself, Bones.

LHM: Get in line.

JTK: Anything else?

LHM: Medically, that's about it.

JTK: And personally?

LHM: Personally, I think there was a lot of rage behind this attack. A lot of hate.

JTK: Are you serious? Who the hell could hate Pavel? What motive could they possibly have?

LHM: Did you know Pavel was dating someone?

JTK: Yeah, he's dating Sulu. Holy shit, you don't think—

LHM: I can personally attest that Sulu was here all evening.

JTK: That's a relief. But it doesn't answer the question.

LHM: Jim, Pavel's dating a _man_.

JTK: So you think this might be some kind of homophobia situation?

LHM: The rage, the specific type of sexual assault…these types of attacks come up from time to time, and men who have sex with other men are frequently the targets.

JTK: That's sick. God, I want these guys off my boat. Any DNA matches?

LHM: None yet, but we're still scanning. I can almost guarantee that we're looking for officers, though.

JTK: Why?

LHM: Because the demographic most likely to attack an officer is another officer.

**END TRANSCRIPTION**

**TRANSCRIPTION OF CONVERSATION BETWEEN DR LEONARD H. MCCOY AND LIEUTENANT HIKARU SULU**

**FOR INVESTIGATIVE PURPOSES**

0123 Hours

LHM: Evening, Mr. Sulu.

HS: Hey, doc. Is everything okay out there? There was a bunch of noise earlier.

LHM: Sulu, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

HS: What? Oh God, what is it?

LHM: Ensign Wiznewski found Mr. Chekov at his post in engineering. He was in a bad way.

HS: Oh my God. What happened? Was there an accident?

LHM: No…it looks like he was attacked.

[silence for several seconds]

HS: What did they do to him?

LHM: I'm afraid I can't give you all the details—

HS: Leonard, _what did they do to Pasha?_

LHM: They worked him over, Sulu. He's still out.

[sound of linens being moved]

LHM: Sulu, you can't see him now. He just got out of surgery. Please lie back down.

HS: Surgery! Why was he in surgery?! Will he wake up soon? I need to go be with him, Len, I'm sure he'll be scared and in pain and-

LHM: He's not going to wake up for several hours, son. And like I said, I can't give you the details. I know you're sweet on him, but Mr. Chekov has a right to privacy just like everyone else.

HS: [whispers inaudibly]

LHM: I don't know. The Captain is going to tear this ship apart, though, if that's what it takes to find out.

HS: Please tell me when he's awake.

LHM: You'll be the first to know.

**END TRANSCRIPTION**


	6. Chapter the Sixth

Soft, blurry outlines of colors and indistinct shapes came into sharper relief. Pavel blinked twice, and the world fell into place.

He was in the medbay. A curtain partition blocked his view to the door. Someone was sitting on his left side. He turned his head, surprised at the effort it required.

Dr. McCoy's kind eyes peered down at him. There was a hint of melancholy behind the relief in them. "Hello, Mr. Chekov. Welcome back."

"Why is my body so heawy?" It was the first thing that popped in his head.

"You've still got quite a bit of sleeping drugs in your system. You've been out for about ten hours."

"Why?"

Dr. McCoy looked at him for a long moment. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

Pavel concentrated. His mind was still fuzzy. He'd been in the impulse control room, and then—

Fists feet blood hands holding him down screaming until he can't scream anymore pain fire agony humiliation fear will I ever be able to use my hands again stabbing you deserve this you freak you pervert don't cry stop crying curling up and they want to kill me wish I could fight back don't know how to fight back Hikaru would know where is he he'd know what to do he wouldn't just lie here on the ground like a dog can't breathe why can't I breathe there's hands on my neck blood in my throat will I drown in my own blood you're an officer fight back fight back oh god don't fight back curl up protect yourself I think my knee is broken will they find my body like this will they give it to my parents and say I died a hero or will they tell the truth _pozhaluysta pozhaluysta pozhaluysta pozhaluysta prekratite ya ne mogu tak bol'she ya budu delat' vse chto ugodno pochemu ty razdevayas' O Bozhe chto oni delayut pozhaluysta ne eto bol' ada O pozhaluysta bog ostanovit'sya Pochemu by ne kto-nibud' slyshit kriki oni smeyutsya ya khochu umeret' Otche nash , Izhe yesi na nebesekh aa svyatitsya imya Tvoye da priidet Tsarstviye Tvoye da budet volya Tvoya yako na nebesi i na zemli Khleb nash nasushchnyy dazhd' nam dnes' i ostavi nam dolgi nasha yakozhe i my ostavlyayem dolzhnikom nashim i ne vvedi nas vo iskusheniyeno izbavi nas ot lukavago_

…_amin…_

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember who it was?"

"No."

"Mr. Sulu wants to see you. May he come in?"

"No."

"He's lying."

The Captain collapsed into his quarters' desk chair and massaged his temples. His head felt uncomfortably full. "Of course he's lying, but why?"

"Perhaps Mr. Chekov is afraid of reprisals should he name his attacker or attackers. A highly illogical fear, of course, since we would place them under arrest immediately."

Jim's expression darkened. "He has to know that nothing is going to happen to him. We won't let anyone near him." He changed the subject, the pressure in his head mounting. "What's the status on the surveillance footage?"

"Unchanged from your last status update."

"Fuck!" He threw his PADD across the room.

The surveillance footage of the impulse closet and surrounding hundred meters had been mysteriously erased. Actually, it hadn't been erased—the cameras simply hadn't been on for three hours straight. While this pointed to someone with knowledge of the ship's complex security programming system, the knowledge didn't make anyone feel safer.

Jim's rage abated as quickly as it had surfaced. Though he was truly angry that a predator—or predators—walked free on his ship, at the moment he was more concerned about the mental and emotional well-being of his navigator. Pavel had refused to see or talk to anyone but medical staff and the command team, a request that Hikaru was not handling well. Dr. McCoy had discharged him a day early so he wouldn't be tempted to visit Pavel while the latter was sleeping.

Spock stooped down to pick up Jim's cracked PADD and brushed it off. "I suggest we ask Dr. McCoy for permission once more to speak to Mr. Chekov about my offer."

Jim sagged in the chair. "Spock, Chekov said no. Considering the nature of his attack…"

"A consensual telepathic conveyance of information is not comparable to a sexual assault," Spock said evenly.

"It is if you feel pressured into letting your commander into your head when you don't want him there."

"Jim, Mr. Chekov's reluctance to name his attacker puts the entire crew at risk. This could easily happen again."

"I said no."

"You're endangering the crew."

Jim glared at Spock. "Don't try that shit on me, Spock. I'm protecting a member of my crew from further emotional trauma. We'll find out who it was without going through Chekov. The ship isn't that big."

"The needs of the many outweigh—"

"They raped him, Spock!" Jim jumped up, face white. "They broke his fingers, kicked the shit out of him, and raped him. Now, it might be against your Vulcan way or whatever, but try to have some empathy and see it from Pavel's point of view, okay? He's scared. Maybe it's of the attack itself, or maybe it's something they said to him, but he's scared out of his mind and I will resign my goddamned commission before I let someone violate him again." Jim sat down, consciously unclenching his fists. "Even you, Spock."

Spock wordlessly walked past Jim and out the door.

"Go away."

"Sorry, can't. Word on the engineering decks is that Commander Spock is really pissed and he's looking for me, so I came to the only place he wouldn't think to look because nobody is supposed to be in here."

Pavel pulled the covers up to his chin and rolled over, back to Aleksy. "You can stay, but I will not talk to you."

Aleksy sat down on the stool next to the biobed. "Thanks man, you're the best." A few minutes passed in silence. Aleksy twiddled his thumbs, unperturbed. "If you're not going to talk, I guess I have to."

Pavel ignored him.

"I've been given the impulse closet. I don't know how you did it, Pavel. There's so much to do at once, and something is always breaking. You made it look easy." Pavel didn't say anything, so Aleksy continued. "I accidentally set off an alarm today because I thought gauge IC3-56 was the internal temperature one, not the external temperature one."

Pavel fidgeted but did not turn around. "How did you make zat mistake? Zey look nothing alike."

Aleksy shrugged. "I guess I was distracted." Pavel merely _tsk_'d.

"Can't blame me for being distracted. Today, Mr. Scott dropped a wrench on Keenser's head. Keenser was so mad he crawled into that duct above Mr. Scott's office and remotely reprogrammed the senior officers' personal replicators to make only tofu. The Captain went berserk and fired Mr. Scott. Mr. Scott says he's planning a mutiny on Tuesday and wants me to help, but I said I can't because I have indoor soccer practice that night." The ensign yawned and leaned back in his chair. "So instead of me, Dr. McCoy is helping out with the mutiny. I guess the Captain pissed him off one too many times."

Pavel turned over finally, the corner of his mouth raised a fraction. "You're full of shit, Alyosha." A beat. "Eweryone knows zat zere is no indoor soccer team."

Aleksy cracked up, and then Pavel was laughing too. Neither of them noticed Dr. M'Benga glancing into the room for a second then smiling and closing the door.

Aleksy wiped a tear from his eye. "I don't know what's better, hearing you laugh or hearing you call me Alyosha."

Pavel snickered. "I remember a time when you didn't like zat name. You said it sounds like—"

"—a girl's name, yeah, I remember. For someone named Aleksy Piotr Wiznewski, I don't know much about Eastern European naming conventions. Actually, my last name can be more Polish than it is already. Before my parents moved to the UK, it was spelled w-i-s-n-i-e-w-s-k-i."

Pavel rolled his eyes. "You're babbling."

Aleksy looked sheepish. "I'm just glad you're talking to me."

Pavel picked at a spot on the blanket. "To tell ze truth, it is nice to talk about stupid things. Eweryone wants to talk about—well, you know."

Aleksy poured Pavel a glass of water. "Yes, I know. And I won't lie, I want to talk about that, too."

Pavel sipped quietly. "I'd razzer talk to you zan to ze Commander, or ewen Dr. McCoy."

Aleksy nodded. "Whatever you feel like talking about, we'll talk about."

Pavel met Aleksy's eyes. "How's Hikaru?"

Aleksy seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "He's…very upset. He came to my room as soon as he was discharged and when I couldn't give him the answers he wanted, I thought he might have an embolism."

Pavel was confused. "Why did he think you'd haff the answers?"

Aleksy's eyes widened. "Because I was the one who found you. Didn't they tell you that? It's why the Commander is looking for me; he wants to interrogate me again."

Pavel sank back into his pillows, staring at the ceiling. "No, zey didn't tell me who'd found me. Zey just said zat 'an engineer' had."

His friend shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well, it was me. I was questioned by Giotto and the Captain and the Doctor, and then Giotto again. It got annoying after a while, actually. I was only with you for about two minutes."

"What did I look like?" Pavel turned his head towards Aleksy, eyes glinting with something unpleasant. Aleksy bit his lip. "What did I look like when you found me, Aleksy?"

"Covered in blood, mostly. Black and blue. You were unconscious, obviously." He took a shaking breath. "Lying on your stomach, hands sort of stretched out like, I dunno, you were reaching for something."

Pavel shook his head. "I wasn't reaching. One of zem held my arms so I couldn't try to get up during…when zey used the broom handle."

Aleksy felt nausea curl in his stomach. "You were awake for that?"

Pavel looked at Aleksy in disbelief. "Of course I was awake. What is ze point of torture if your wictim can't feel it?"

There was a long silence, and then: "Pavel, you _have_ to tell me who did this to you."

"No. Get out."

"I'm not going anywhere," Aleksy said plainly, scooting forward until his knees touched the biobed. Pavel's face flushed red, but he did not reach for the call button. Aleksy took that as a good sign.

"You cannot make me talk. Nobody can make me talk."

Aleksy took a deep breath. "Once upon a time I told you a secret, Pavel. I told you that I was going to steal my girlfriend's phaser and shoot myself in the head. Remember?"

Pavel nodded once, taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. "Y-yes, I remember."

Aleksy continued. "You told Dr. McCoy, and he showed up with a team of psychologists. I was pissed. No, I was beyond pissed. I wanted to rip the hair out of your head because I thought you'd betrayed me." Pavel winced, but Aleksy put his hand up. "I was wrong. You saved my life that night, and I can never repay you for that." He cocked his head to the side, frowning. "So here we are now, Pavel, in the same situation but completely reversed. _You_ need to tell _me_ something, and I need to make sure the right person knows so you can back to your life, like I got back to mine. I owe you that."

Pavel's eyes shimmered. "I can't," he whispered fiercely.

"Why?" Aleksy snapped. "Did they tell you they'd kill you? That they'd kill Hikaru?"

Pavel looked around frantically until Aleksy grabbed his wrist. "Whatever they told you, threatened you with, _whatever_—it was a lie, Pavel! The second I pass on who it was, their freedom is gone. They'll never hurt anyone again."

Pavel jerked back from Aleksy, who immediately let go. "And if zey are caught, zey will tell eweryone why zey thought I deserfed what zey did to me! Eweryone will know."

Aleksy narrowed his eyes. "Please don't tell me you think you deserved to get beaten and raped."

Pavel ran his hand through his hair. "No! But I know ozzer people will. Zis will happen again, maybe to Hikaru, too. Maybe not soon, but someday it will."

Aleksy mouthed the words "maybe to Hikaru" and then gasped. "Did they tell you it was because you're gay?"

"_Don't say zat_!"

"Oh my god, it is," Aleksy murmured, his face frozen in horror. His eyes moved back and forth, unfocused, as if he were making several realizations at once.

Pavel wiped furiously at his face. "And ze thing is, it was not just because I am gay. At least, I don't think so. Zey don't like ze type of fun Hikaru and I used to haff. Zis is why I told Hikaru to not tell anyone." Aleksy's hand was over his mouth. He seemed unable to process what Pavel was telling him. Pavel looked at Aleksy. "I want to keep ze ozzer people on ze ship safe, but how can I know zat zis won't happen again?"

Aleksy stood up. "Pavel, I swear to you, this will never happen on the Enterprise again. Not while I'm here."

Pavel stared at him. "How can you know?"

Aleksy simply smiled enigmatically. "I just do."

He squeezed Pavel's hand and then dashed out of the room.

Commander Spock's PADD lit up, indicating he'd just received a personal communique.

**Anonymous: Sir, you might find it worthwhile to review the maintenance office's equipment logs for the last six months. The one marked "brooms and mops" should be especially illuminating.**

Spock: Who is this?

**Anonymous: My identity is immaterial to your investigation, so I've chosen to conceal it.**

Spock: If your information is useful, I will not pursue the matter further.

**Anonymous: Understood.**

LT Daniels opened the door to his quarters and stepped back. The Captain, Commander, and three security guards were standing outside his door. The Captain smiled serenely.

"Good evening, sir," Daniels said, his voice as even as he could make it. "Is something wrong?"

The Captain nodded, still calm. "Several months ago the maintenance office signed out a standard-issue aluminum broom for your detail, but there's a notation that says you 'lost' it and were given an older, wooden-handled broom about, oh, five days ago."

Daniels swallowed. The Captain's eyes narrowed.

"We'd like to see that broom."

"So let me get this straight," Jim said, looking down at his notes. "Mr. Chekov told you two to meet him in the impulse drive control room for a sexual encounter, and things just got a little crazy after that."

Crowe nodded emphatically. "He said he liked it rough, and that he'd tell us if we were going too far. He never did, so we kept going."

Jim steepled his fingers and studied the men sitting in front of him. "You consider breaking someone's fingers 'rough'? The Geneva Convention and Constitution of the United Federation of Planets would call that torture."

"Not if it was consensual," argued Crowe. "What did Chekov say?"

"Chekov isn't in any shape to be making statements," Jim lied smoothly. Crowe and Daniels glanced at each other but said nothing. "So, tell me about your little trick with the broom handle. Did he consent to that?"

Daniels cleared his throat. "Yes, of course. Maybe we did it a little hard, but it was all in the name of a good time."

Jim gave him a look that clearly said, _Are you shitting me?_

"If it was all in the name of a good time, as you claim, why'd you leave him on the floor, bleeding out?"

Crowe answered this time. "That was our bad, Sir. Things got a little out of hand, and we got scared. We ran off because we knew we weren't supposed to be messing around on duty."

They both nodded-the picture of humility.

Jim smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. "Well, gentlemen, this has been fascinating. However, I'm still going ahead with the court martial." He stood up and gathered his papers. "You're both on the hook for the torture, sexual assault, and attempted homicide of a Starfleet officer."

Jim ignored their protests and walked to his quarters, mentally preparing a list of necessary actions.

First, talk to Spock about building an airtight case.

Second, talk to Bones about medical evidence.

Third, get Wiznewski to—

"Captain?"

Sulu was standing a few feet in front of him holding a small pot with a plant Jim thought looked like a Venus fly trap. Dark circles underlined his eyes.

"Hey, Sulu. What's up?"

Sulu looked down at his plant. "Are you going to Pavel's room right now?"

"I hadn't planned on it. Why?"

Sulu looked away. "I was hoping someone would give him this for me."

Jim furrowed his brow. "Why don't you do it yourself?"

Sulu swallowed. "Pash—Pavel doesn't want to see me. I don't know why. But I remember that medbay rooms are kind of plain and you know how nice plants are when you're hurt, and—"

Jim took the pot from Sulu. "Come on, lieutenant. Let's go see Pavel."

Sulu shook his head. "He specifically told Dr. McCoy that he doesn't want to see me."

Jim frowned. "Sulu, has anyone told you what happened to him?" Sulu shook his head. Jim groaned internally; this man had been in shambles for more than half a week. Enough was enough. "Well, then. No offense to Mr. Chekov, but right now I'm overriding that order. You're coming with me."

Jim thought he saw a light in his helmsman's eyes.

As soon as Jim saw tears, he was _out of there_.

Pavel told Hikaru that he'd been beaten by two engineers. He spared him the details.

"I am sorry zat you suffered so much. You need to go to sleep." Pavel brushed Hikaru's face with his finger, lingering on the shadows under his eyes. "You look like a ghoul."

"I feel like a ghoul," Hikaru said quietly, kissing Pavel's fingers. Pavel pulled away.

"I haff missed you," Pavel admitted, looking at the potted fly trap. "I haff missed your face, and your funny plants."

"I don't understand, Pasha. If you missed me, why did you ban me from your room?" Hikaru leaned forward, sadness etched into his face.

Pavel's hands twisted in the blankets. "I was embarrassed."

Hikaru looked horrified. "Pavel, sweetheart, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. You did nothing wrong."

Pavel couldn't meet his eyes. "I couldn't do anything. I couldn't yell, I couldn't fight back. I just…took it, on ze ground. When zey kicked me, I curled up. When zey broke my fingers, I screamed. When zey raped me, I prayed to God, hoping I'd die."

Hikaru made a strangled noise and Pavel covered his mouth. He hadn't meant to reveal as much as he just had.

Sadness morphed into fury on his boyfriend's face.

"You said they beat you," Hikaru growled. Pavel nodded mutely.

"Yes, zey did. Zey also, um, used a broken broom handle."

Hikaru's face was white. Pavel shrank back; Hikaru's reaction was the primary reason he hadn't wanted him to know the full extent of the assault. "Hikaru, please calm down. Please don't—"

"Don't _what_?" Hikaru's eyes narrowed. "Who did this, Pavel? WHO WAS IT?" He grabbed Pavel's shoulders, shaking him slightly.

Pavel shoved him away, his fingers protesting. "Don't touch me," he said through gritted teeth. "Don't touch me if zat is what you'll do. I haff had enough manhandling, don't you think?"

Hikaru's anger melted away and he knelt next to Pavel. He gently took Pavel's bandaged hand and kissed his knuckles. "I'm sorry, Pasha. I'm sorry." He looked up and saw sad, heavy eyes. "I'll be calm, I promise."

Pavel petted Hikaru's hair. "I guess ze cat is out ze bag, now." He took a calming breath. "Like I was saying, I did not want to tell you because I felt like a weak child zat night. You haff worked so hard to teach me fencing, but when ze moment came to fight, I could not."

Hikaru patted Pavel's hand. "Fencing and self-defense are hardly the same thing."

"I haff newer felt so powerless in my life." Pavel gazed into the distance, lost in memory. Hikaru stood up and cupped his face.

"May I kiss you?"

Pavel nodded once, and Hikaru chastely brushed his lips against Pavel's. "Focus on here," he whispered. "Focus on now. I'm here, you're safe. You're not powerless."

Pavel opened his mouth to say something when the Captain cracked open the door and poked his head in. "Evening, you two. It's good to see you getting along."

Pavel bobbed his head in greeting. "Hi, Keptin. What can I help you with?"

Jim held up a PADD. "Just fact-checking. First things first: are you sure you don't want to name your attackers?"

Pavel frowned. "Yes."

Jim nodded and made a note on his PADD. "Okay, that's fine. Change of subject: Lieutenant Daniels and Crowe are claiming they had a completely consensual encounter with you the night of your attack. Can you confirm that?"

Pavel blanched.

The next morning, crewmen all over the ship swore that someone had been yelling in Russian the night before.

Yeoman Wells and Petty Officer Gutierrez picked at their replicated lunches. Personally, the Yeoman thought it was a crime to call the congealed glop they were eating "food", but then again, nobody cared what he thought. He pushed it away and turned to his friend.

"Any update on the two officers in the brig?"

It was all anyone had talked about for days.

Gutierrez looked around to make sure he couldn't be overheard then leaned close to Wells. "I heard directly from Hershman in Security. They're getting court martialed and sent to a penal colony. Apparently it's pretty much a done deal since Ensign Chekov accused them."

Wells let out a low whistle. "Damn, a penal colony." He drummed his fingers on the table and thought for a moment. "Did Hershman tell you what they did, exactly? Nobody in enlisted actually knows."

Gutierrez grinned and held up a finger. "Just a minute, I need to get the grapevine." He beckoned several other crewmen over. Beyer, Maekawa, Boone, Gagnier, Yankauskas, two Smiths, and Gelzenlichter came over with their trays, curious expressions on their faces.

Wells snorted. "Subtle, dude."

Gutierrez smirked. "Okay, guys, here's what's up. The brass doesn't want us bilge rats to know what happened to that guy Chekov. Well, Hershman heard it directly from an officer named Wiznewski, who was the one who found Chekov."

Beyer's eyes widened. "Tell us!"

"Ensign Wiznewski said the _official_ story is that it was a hazing thing for engineering brass, but the truth is that Ensign Chekov found out about those two lieutenants'—get this—drug dealing. One of them would sell drugs to crewmen, and then the other would extort money from the crewmen on the sly, making money off them twice."

Gagnier and one of the Smiths gasped. "That's horrible!"

Gutierrez nodded fervently. "Somehow they found out that Chekov had found out, and they fucking tortured him to find out what he knew. Right there in the impulse closet, where they could be alone."

Yankauskas clenched her fist. "Ensign Chekov is the nicest person on this ship. I hope they rot in a penal colony forever."

Gutierrez grinned. "They will. Wiznewski also made sure to tell Hershman that Chekov didn't give in, by the way. That's why he was beaten up so badly. It was a matter of principle to him." They all stared at Gutierrez in various states of alarm and awe. Gutierrez winked. "But remember, the brass doesn't want any enlisted personnel to know that."

On Pavel's first day back, he couldn't help but notice that many members of the crew looked at him with bald admiration. Outside the head a petty officer ten years his senior saluted him smartly and smiled at him, even though he was out of uniform and didn't need to. Three female yeoman blushed crimson and scurried away when he greeted them before heading to his quarters to change.

Aleksy was waiting for him, leaning against the bulkhead and grinning. Pavel suddenly understood.

"What ze hell did you tell ze crew?"

Aleksy shrugged. "I told one person one little story about you. If they told the entire enlisted corps, well, there's nothing we can do about it." He threw his arm around Pavel's shoulder. "Shit happened, Pavel. They meant for your injuries to humiliate you. I simply made them into badges of honor."

He slapped Pavel on the back and walked towards his own quarters.


	7. Chapter the Seventh

"Thank you for all your help, Doctor."

Pavel shook hands with Dr. Simpson, who opened the door for him. "You're quite welcome, Mr. Chekov. You've made a lot of progress. I'll see you in two weeks, if that's fine with you."

"Zat would be great."

Pavel left the psychiatric wing of the medbay and waved to Dr. McCoy in his office, then walked out. He'd been seeing Dr. Simpson, one of the ship's three counselors, for every week for nearly ten weeks. Progress was steady and strong; he wanted to move on from his attack and get on with his life. The nightmares were infrequent and hazy, and he was finally comfortable being in the impulse closet again (though Mr. Scott had only reluctantly given him the job back).

Hikaru was waiting for him in the corridor. He stood up straight when Pavel approached. "Hey, Pasha. How was your session?"

"Great! Dr. Simpson says I don't need to see her ewery week anymore. It'll be ewery two weeks from now on, unless I change my mind."

Hikaru squeezed Pavel's hand. "That's really great, babe. More fencing time, then?"

Pavel squeezed back. "_Da_. I was just thinking ze same thing."

Hikaru quickly pecked Pavel on the lips then led the way to the gymnasium.

After an hour of disengaging and counter parrying, the two white-clad men needed a break. They slumped against the wall, panting and wiping their faces.

"God damn, you a fast learner," Hikaru said, chest heaving. Pavel took a swig from his water bottle and grinned. "I still can't believe you're the same guy who couldn't hold a foil when you first began."

"I warned you once zat I will one day be better zan you. Zis is only ze beginning." Hikaru playfully punched his arm and a slap fight ensued until they were out of breath again. Pavel looked sideways at Hikaru when he'd caught his breath. "Since we're taking a break, I might as well ask you now: what do you want for your birthday?"

Hikaru frowned. "Holy crap, that's in a few days, isn't it?" Pavel nodded. "I don't know. I like cake, I guess. You don't have to get me anything."

"I know I don't haff to get you anything, but I'm your boyfriend and I want to."

Hikaru shrugged. "I'll think about it and tell you when I decide."

Actually, what Hikaru wanted was hot birthday sex, but he'd carefully avoided the subject of hanky-panky ever since Pavel had been discharged from the medbay. Dr. McCoy had told them on no uncertain terms that sex was out of the question for a month. Though they'd been in the clear for six weeks already, neither of them seemed willing to broach the subject.

In the end, Hikaru told Pavel he wanted a hand massage for his birthday. Pavel laughed and told him that would be no problem.

* * *

Pavel leaned over to Hikaru five minutes before the end of their shift and whispered in his ear, "Hey birthday boy, I need ze code to your quarters."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "A055504," he said. "Why?"

Pavel merely winked and resumed his duties. "Don't go in your quarters until after dinner. Zat is an order."

Hikaru laughed and turned back to the helm. "Aye-aye, sir." He played it cool, but inside he was burning with curious excitement. At the change of shift, Pavel nearly knocked over Uhura in his rush to leave the bridge. Jim whispered something to Spock, who nodded curtly. The captain laughed and pressed two fingers against Spock's own. Hikaru thought the First Officer was a little green around the ears.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and walked towards the officer's mess. Pavel wasn't there, so Hikaru ate in silence until Jim remembered it was his birthday and led the officers in a raucous chorus of "Happy Birthday To You."

Hikaru hid in the botanical garden for the rest of the hour.

At 1900 precisely, he entered his quarters. His jaw dropped.

Pavel was relaxing on his bed, freshly showered and completely naked. He was twirling a bottle of lube in his fingers.

"Are you going to close the door, or do you want ze whole crew to watch us tonight?" He blew a kiss. Hikaru hastily shut the door, too stunned to speak. Pavel stopped twirling the bottle. "As cute as you are with your mouth open, I was sort of planning for _my_ mouth to be like zat tonight. Unless of course you still just want a shoulder massage."

"I thought you didn't want to have sex," Hikaru blurted.

Pavel slowly sat up and stretched his back, his chest and stomach at their best advantage in the motion. "Now, I newer actually said that. After Dr. McCoy said we could haff sex again, I just didn't ask you for it because I wanted you to be a starwing man tonight." He grinned up at Hikaru, somehow unapologetic and sheepish at the same time. "Happy birthday, Mr. Sulu."

Hikaru took in the sight of his pretty young lover on his bed, eager and ready for sex. A million questions danced on his tongue, every single one of them about Pavel's recovery.

As if he were hearing Hikaru's thoughts, Pavel smiled and held out a hand to Hikaru. "I'm okay, Hikaru. Now get on ze bed and let me proof it."

* * *

"Zose were some new moofs. My legs are sore!"

"I've had a lot of time to daydream."

"If by daydream you mean jerk off while thinking about your hot Russian…"

"Naturally."

* * *

A few hours later, Pavel paused during his search for another bottle of lube and pulled out a battered copy of the Marquis de Sade's _Philosophy in the Bedroom_. "Hikaru, ewen your philosophy books are sexy. What would your muzzer say if she knew?"

Hikaru snatched it away and hid it under his pillow. "Who's going to tell her?"

Pavel found more lube and flopped down on the bed next to Hikaru. "I won't tell her if you do zat thing with your teeth again tonight."

Hikaru pretended to think it over and Pavel swatted him. Hikaru grabbed his hands and pushed him down on the bed. "You're greedy tonight," he said, straddling Pavel. "I thought birthday sex was about me, hmm?"

Pavel wiggled his hips. "You're right. Greedy boys should be punished," he crooned. Hikaru thought that over for real this time. Pavel was feeling all sorts of adventurous, and tonight _was _Hikaru's birthday…

Hikaru got off Pavel and fished his goody bag out from the back of his bedside drawer. He took his small vibrator out. "Remember our first scene? The one with the vibrator?"

Pavel got hard immediately. "Yes, I remember. I tricked you into blowing me and zen fucking me senseless on top of zat." He smirked—tricking Hikaru into pleasuring him twice was a story he never got tired of recounting.

Hikaru tossed the vibrator to Pavel. "Like I said, you're a greedy little bastard. Wanna do it again?"

Pavel answered by way of turning the vibrator on. Hikaru sat down on the bed and took it from him, turning it off. "Before we go at it, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Pavel cocked his head to the side. "What's zat? Is ewerything alright?"

Hikaru nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. But after what happened a few months ago, I thought we should introduce safewords into our scenes."

Pavel looked amused. "You are wery good boyfriend to think so, Hikaru, but I know you'd newer make me do anything I didn't want to."

Hikaru tousled Pavel's hair. "You can't be too careful about this stuff. Our scenes aren't that intense, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Pavel looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he smiled. "You're right. What should our safeword be?"

"I always used 'safeword' in the past. It's just easier. Sometimes I've used 'red', 'yellow', and 'green' to ascertain how comfortable my partner is."

Pavel shook his head. "We can use zose, but let's also pick something funny."

Hikaru mulled over the funniest words he knew. "How about hemidemisemiquaver?"

"Or hornswoggle."

"Fiddledeedee."

"Kerplunk."

"Shih tzu!"

"_Nyet_, wombat!"

They laughed until they cried. Hikaru kissed Pavel's eyelids. "We don't have to pick a word now, but as long as we're talking, let's talk about what we want to do."

Pavel reclined with his arms behind his head. "I did enjoy the first scene we did. If you're comfortable with similar scenes, I'd be happy to try zem."

Hikaru understood "similar scenes" to mean tying him up. He wasn't sure how he felt about it now that Pavel was seeing a therapist to recover from a sexual assault, especially since Pavel had admitted that he'd been held down during the rape. Hikaru assumed they'd forgo bonds in the future.

Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, maybe we could wait on that? I know it's nothing like what you went through, but I don't think I'd feel very sexy hindering your mobility."

Pavel nodded, face serious. "That's fine. Your comfort matters to me, too. I'd like to at least try it again in ze future, zo." He ran a hand lazily down Hikaru's chest. "I trust you. I think zat's ze difference. No matter what, I know zat ewen when my hands are tied and I'm blindfolded, I haff power because we're equals."

Hikaru pulled the sheet up around them and gathered Pavel in his arms, touching his forehead to his own.

"I love you, Pavel."

"I love you too, Hikaru. _Lyublyu tebya vsem sertsem, vsey dushoyu_."

* * *

An uneventful week passed. They eventually decided on a safeword theme: condiments. No matter how hard they wracked their brains, they couldn't come up with a situation where either of them might cry out 'mayonnaise' or 'Worcestershire sauce', making them the perfect safewords.

Pavel had just gotten off his engineering shift. He stripped off his red tunic and fell face-first onto his bed with his boots still on. Hikaru rubbed his back. "Tired, sweetheart?"

Pavel said something into the pillow that sounded like "you have no idea."

Hikaru nudged his elbow. "We can just take it easy tonight if you'd like. I borrowed a paper book from Dr. M'benga that I thought you'd like." Pavel lifted his face out of his pillow and looked at Hikaru.

"What is it?"

Hikaru showed him the title. "It's a side-by-side translation of Shakespeare's sonnets." He flipped the book open to a random page. "See, one side has the original old-fashioned language, the other has modern Standard. I thought it would be a nice thing to do together."

Pavel flipped onto his back and took the book from Hikaru. "Zat does sound nice. Let me read tonight. It relaxes me."

Hikaru rested on his elbow while Pavel began to read aloud.

Hikaru found his mind wandering before too long. It seemed like so long ago that he and Pavel had huddled in the library reading sonnets for the first time. A lot had happened since then: their dating, Pavel's first time having sex, the big talk about kink, Pavel's attack and recovery. Both of their fencing abilities were improving; Pavel was a fast learner, and Hikaru finally had a real person to practice with instead of a practice dummy.

Pavel's lilting voice pulled him from his reverie. "Hikaru, what's zis sonnet about? I read the translation but I still don't understand."

Hikaru glanced at the page. "Sonnet twenty-nine is about the good and bad feelings love inspires. It also talks about how love is the highest power. Shakespeare used a lot of religious imagery in it; see how he talks about heaven right there?"

Pavel scoffed. "Bad feelings? Zat is silly. I haff no bad feelings because of how I feel for you. It is completely good in here." He patted over his heart.

Hikaru smiled up at him. "Likewise, goofball. But everyone's different. Who knows what Shakespeare was really thinking about when he wrote twenty-nine."

Pavel resumed reading and Hikaru considered Pavel's words. If Pavel was indeed "completely good" in his emotional center, why wasn't he? Pavel was the one with the wounds to be healed. He glanced over his boyfriend and saw nothing but a happy young man completely at ease.

He pursed his lips. Maybe he was overthinking things. He tried to imagine holding Pavel down during a scene and playacting forcing himself on his captive partner. As always, the mental image immediately turned into two engineers brutalizing his screaming lover, and no matter how hard he tried he could not clean his mind of the picture.

"Hikaru, are you okay? You look a little sick."

Hikaru nodded and gave his head a little shake. "I'm fine. Keep going."

Pavel raised an eyebrow but continued reading. Hikaru focused on the way Pavel's lips moved as he talk.

_Think about something else. Think about _anything_ else._

Hikaru turned his thoughts to the night he'd first talked about his fantasies. Were all his fantasies about BDSM? There had to be at least one that couldn't be tainted by what had happened. What was the core, the very root, of Hikaru's fantasies? If he knew that, he could probably dream up a scenario that could not be twisted.

He remembered.

Kissing Pavel good night, slipping into is room. Fantasies of making Pavel orgasm over and over. He wanted to lavish attention and pleasure onto his little Pasha. That had always been his main goal—everything else was just window dressing. If he focused on that, he could do anything.

He tapped Pavel's knee. "Pasha?"

Pavel stopped reading and smiled down at him. "Yes?"

"I changed my mind about doing those scenes."

Pavel laughed loudly. "You are always thinking about sex, aren't you?"

* * *

They didn't jump into their old routine feet first. They took things slowly.

Hikaru finally worked up the courage to loosely tie Pavel's wrists a few days after they'd started again, and Pavel's enthusiastic response got rid of any lingering doubt. Two weeks after their discussion about safewords, he decided to reintroduce the vibrator to the bondage scene. But first:

"Since you won't tell me the code to the safe, I'm going to have to enhance the interrogation a little bit," Hikaru drawled. "Can you guess what color the vibrator is?"

Translation: are you comfortable with me using the vibrator on you?

Pavel gave him the finger. "It's green, you Cossack. My spy network knows ewerything about you, from ze color of your interrogation dewices to ze claptrap you whisper into your boyfriend's ear at night."

Translation: I'm fine, baby.

* * *

"Ketchup! Ketchup!"

Hikaru jumped up immediately. "What's wrong?! Are you okay?" He almost ripped Pavel's ties off.

Pavel winced and rubbed his leg. "My leg fell asleep and zen I tried to put it ower your shoulder…"

He groaned and massaged his leg. Hikaru fell to the floor because he was laughing so hard.

* * *

Hikaru hummed tunelessly as he washed his sex toys, just as he did every day after they'd been used. Happy memories slipped in and out as he handled each item. He reached into the bag for the last toy, which turned out to be a ball gag he'd forgotten he owned.

He washed it and placed it with the other items, and thought of it no more except to make a mental note to bring it to their scene that night.

* * *

Author's Note: The events immediately following this chapter can be found here: s/9512392/11/A-Celebration-of-Bad-Sex


	8. Chapter the Eighth

Dr. McCoy pressed the hypospray to Pavel's neck and released the drug into his system with a little hiss.

"There, son. It should already be going into effect."

Pavel cleared his throat a few times and tugged the blanket around his shoulders so he was completely cocooned. "Yes, my throat feels better already. It's easier to breathe. Thank you. May I go back to my quarters?"

"Yep, you're fine. Try to get some rest."

"Don't worry, zere won't be any distractions in my room for a while," Pavel said, a distinct edge in his voice.

Outside the exam room, Hikaru hid his face in his hands. He could not imagine how this night could get any worse.

It had started out well enough, too.

Pavel and Hikaru had been in the middle of a typical scene where Pavel was tied and blindfolded. Pavel's snark was at its usual hilarious level, and he'd called Hikaru a dog. Hikaru had laughed and pulled out the ball gag. "If I'm a dog, why are you the one being muzzled?"

It slipped his mind that he'd never asked Pavel for permission to gag him, and because they'd never discussed gags, they'd never established a safe _gesture_ to use if the safeword couldn't be said.

Not only was Pavel highly uncomfortable with being gagged, the universe took yet another opportunity to shit all over them—Pavel had a sudden allergic reaction to a pill Dr. McCoy had prescribed him a few hours earlier. While Hikaru continued on with the scene, Pavel was panicking and almost completely unable to breathe. Only a strong kick to his stomach clued Hikaru in to the situation.

When he'd removed the blindfold, Pavel's expression said everything.

Hikaru shut his eyes and willed the nausea to subside._ I almost raped my boyfriend tonight._

Hikaru had no name for what he was feeling.

A minute later, Pavel walked out of the medbay and past him, not sparing him as much as a glance.

"Pasha, please—"

Pavel whipped around, white-faced. His fury was palpable. "Pavel," he hissed through gritted teeth. "You can call me Pavel. Or better yet, don't call me anything and just go to hell."

He walked to his quarters, leaving Hikaru alone in the corridor.

* * *

Pavel did not look at him, speak to him, or otherwise acknowledge his existence for two days. Nobody else on the bridge seemed to notice.

After their shifts, Pavel disappeared into his quarters.

* * *

On the third night, Hikaru downed a shot of replicated whiskey and knocked on Pavel's door. There was no answer.

"Please open up, Pavel. We need to talk."

Finally the door slid open. Pavel looked him up and down, his mouth curled in disgust. "I haff nothing to say to you." Hikaru reached for Pavel's hand, but he jerked away. "Don't you _dare_ try to touch me. Not after what you—you—"

Hikaru ran his hand through his hair. "Baby, please, can't we talk this out?" He glanced around the corridor. "Or at least not stand in the door way?"

Pavel stepped aside for Hikaru and shut the door.

They looked at each other for a long moment. Hikaru broke the silence.

"I'm sorry, Pavel. I never meant to hurt or scare you."

Pavel crossed his arms. "I don't care."

"I understand that I really messed up—"

"No, you don't," Pavel snapped. "You think you know what I'm feeling? You haff no idea what it was like, Hikaru."

"Then tell me, sweetheart. Please," he pleaded. "Don't shut me out like this."

Pavel shuddered and braced himself against the bulkhead. Hikaru fought the urge to hold him.

"I once said zat ze difference between what we do and what Daniels and Crowe did was zat I trusted you." Hikaru did not miss Pavel's use of past tense. "When you pushed me on my stomach so you could use ze vibrator, I was _screaming_ into zat gag for you to stop. I could not speak, could not use my hands." Hikaru's eyes burned but he refused to fall apart. He knew he needed to let Pavel speak his piece. Pavel wouldn't meet his eyes. "And zen, when my throat closed, I had to choose. You made me choose between fighting for air or fighting you. I was in ze impulse closet again, unable to fight back and say no, and if I had not kicked you, you would haff raped me with ze vibrator and zen with your body."

"No, I wouldn't have, Pavel," he said desperately. " I—I…"

Pavel's eyes dimmed, all emotion leaving them. "Yes, you would haff. You would haff raped me while I screamed. Just like zey did."

Hikaru tried to counter Pavel's statement, tried to come up with irrefutable proof that Pavel's dark claim would never have happened.

He couldn't.

"Pavel," he whispered. "Please. I didn't mean to. I never wanted that. I would _never _do that to you."

Pavel opened the door. "Zen why did I haff to fight you off me?"

Hikaru took that as the dismissal it was.

* * *

Pavel either would not or could not look him in the eye anymore. Their daily hours on the bridge were the longest hours Hikaru could recall. The silence was horrible—but he quickly learned to not engage Pavel in conversation.

"Please say something to me," he begged so only Pavel could hear. It was the day after Pavel had kicked him out of his quarters.

Pavel didn't look up from his navigational panel. "What do you want me to say?"

"Something. Anything. People are going to start asking questions if we're not talking."

Pavel looked sidelong in his direction, face devoid of all emotion. It was unbelievably eerie.

"Are you up to something, Mr. Sulu?" They both spun around in their chairs. Captain Kirk was looking at them, clearly amused. "You guys look like you're plotting something, whispering like that."

"No, sir," Hikaru said, hoping his grin looked for convincing than it felt.

Pavel smiled beatifically and looked at Hikaru. "Isn't it so nice to be able to say 'no'?" He asked, entirely conversational. He turned back to his navigational panel.

Hikaru excused himself from the bridge to go throw up his breakfast.

* * *

Hikaru sat down next to Commander Spock at the dinner table in the mess. He couldn't recall the last time he'd eaten with "the big three", as they were sometimes called.

"Sulu, where's Chekov?" Jim looked around the mess for the Russian, frowning when he didn't see him. "Is he sick?"

Hikaru shrugged. "I don't know where Chekov is."

Dr. McCoy chewed his salad thoughtfully. "Trouble in paradise, lieutenant?"

Hikaru knocked over his glass of water, startled. Much of its contents spilled on Spock. "Sorry, sir," Hikaru said, hastily moving to clean up the mess. In the middle of wiping it up, Hikaru's hand brushed Spock's, and the First Officer looked at Hikaru with an unreadable expression on his face.

* * *

Dear Pavel,

These last two weeks have been hell. Please talk to me. Scream, yell, shout obscenities, I don't care. Just don't ignore me. I can't stand it.

Love,

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

My sweet Pasha,

What do you want me to do to prove myself to you? Name it, and I'll do it.

Forever yours,

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

To my Pavel,

I dreamed of you last night. We were in the mess eating shchi, just like old times. I miss that so much. I want to sit with you again and talk about our day.

All my love,

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

Dear Pasha,

Fencing isn't fun without you. I'm still planning our lessons, just in case you decide you want to start again. We'll pick up right where we left off.

Very respectfully,

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

Pasha,

The Venus fly traps are dying. They were doing so well when we visited them all the time; maybe they miss your voice.

I do.

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

Sweetheart,

Your friend Ensign Wiznewski told me today that you've been avoiding him, too. Please talk to one of your friends; it's not good to bottle up feelings. I'm the one who fucked up. Please don't harm yourself because of your anger at me.

Your loving boyfriend,

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

Pavel,

I miss you.

Hikaru

**Are you sure you want to delete this draft?**

* * *

Three weeks of heartbreak and insomnia took its toll on Hikaru. He no longer fenced against the practice dummy in the gymnasium, though he did go there every evening in case Pavel showed up. He was too fatigued.

He sat against the wall, head back and eyes closed. The low whirring of treadmills and dull thuds from the mats was an athlete's lullaby; before long he was dozing.

"Lieutenant Sulu?"

He jerked awake. Two petite yeomen in exercise clothes were standing in front of him at nervous attention. He blinked. "Yes, Yeoman...?"

"Baker, sir."

"And I'm Yeoman Lemon."

Hikaru got up and ignored how heavy his limbs felt. He wasn't annoyed at being woken up, though. Actually, he was kind of embarrassed by being caught sleeping in a public area, even if he was off duty. "What can I do for you, Baker and Lemon?"

Lemon blushed. "We're here to practice fencing, but someone put the gear up on a shelf we can't reach. We were wondering if you could reach it."

Yeah…that had been him and Pavel. He didn't feel the need to mention it.

"Sure thing, ladies. Give me a moment." He walked over to the supply closet and saw the box labeled FOILS. "You need some foils?" He called from the closet. They said yes, so he gingerly pulled the box from the high shelf.

Unfortunantly, his normally strong limbs were weakened. The box came crashing down on him, the foils falling with a spectacular crash.

* * *

"Oh thank god, he's waking up!"

"Lieutenant? Sir? Can you hear me?"

Hikaru groaned and opened his eyes, though he had no recollection of why they were closed. He had the distinct impression that he was lying in an inch of water, or at least his head was. How odd.

He was lying on his back in the supply closet. Half a dozen frightened faces were peering down at him. Yeoman Baker had been crying recently, if her puffy red eyes were any indication. "Um, respectfully, don't move at all, sir. You had an accident. We just alerted medbay."

"Holy shit, that's a lot of blood," someone whispered in the back.

"I thought he was dead," another person replied.

"What happened?"

"We heard this epic crash," a junior-grade lieutenant explained. "The box of swords fell on your head and knocked you out flat. You busted your head open either on a sword or on the edge of the shelf, we're not sure which."

Before Hikaru could ask if he was literally lying in a pool of his own blood, three harried individuals ran into the room.

"Give him some air! Back up, all ya'll! Now!" Dr. McCoy stalked over to where Hikaru was lying with two nurses in tow. He let out a low whistle. "Damn, lieutenant." He plucked his comm device from his belt and pressed the little button on the side. "Christine, prepare a biobed for Lieutenant Sulu, and some blood. Looks like he'll be there overnight."

As the nurses quickly checked him over, Hikaru talked with Dr. McCoy. "Nobody's told me what's wrong with me. They just said don't move." It was getting difficult to talk, as though he had to push the words from his mind to his mouth.

Dr. McCoy nodded. "You busted the back of your head open and there's a nasty gash on your forehead. The lucky thing is that you're lucid, so your injuries look a lot scarier than they really are. Head wounds bleed a lot."

A stretcher arrived and the men heaved Hikaru onto it. A combination of blood loss and fatigue made the narrow board a lot more comfortable than it might have been. He blinked, then blinked again.

"Don't you fall asleep on me now, Mr. Sulu," the doctor warned. "We don't know if you have a brain injury."

Hikaru heard the words and knew the objective meaning of them, but they couldn't quite penetrate. He felt curiously light and carefree.

"Mr. Sulu? Ah, damn it, he's…"

Whatever he was, Hikaru didn't hear.

* * *

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

"Fuck me," Hikaru groaned, opening his eyes.

"I'd rather not," Dr. M'Benga replied, holding Hikaru's wrist to take his pulse. "Welcome back, though."

"What happened?" Hikaru remembered being hoisted onto a stretcher, but his memory ended abruptly shortly thereafter.

"Blood loss," the doctor said with a shrug. "You passed out. You're fine, though. Things were pretty hairy for a minute when we found out were out of AB negative, but as fortune had it, a crewman with your blood type was in the counseling center and overheard that you needed an emergency transfusion. His blood was clear for donation so, yeah, you're going to be fine."

"How'd you run out of an entire blood type?" Hikaru asked.

Dr. M'Benga grimaced. "We had a patient a few months ago who needed some serious patching up, let's just leave it at that."

"Yikes."

The doctor poured him a glass of water. "Drink this, rest up. I'll discharge you in the morning if you haven't died in the night."

"Thanks, doctor."

Dr. M'Benga smiled and left the room. As Hikaru settled into his bed, he heard a young man's voice through the door.

"Did my blood help him, doctor? I am feeling okay to giff some more, if he needs it."

Hikaru bolted upright.

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Chekov. He just needs sleep, now."

Hikaru tried frantically to get off the bed, but wires and intravenous needles trapped him there. He strained to hear Pavel's footfalls until he couldn't hear anything but his own heart beating on the monitor.

* * *

Hikaru was cleared for duty the next morning with strict orders to report to the medbay if he felt dizzy or nauseous.

When he arrived on the bridge, the Captain slapped him on the back. "Sulu! Glad to hear you aren't dead. You should've heard the stories flying around the ship."

Hikaru laughed. "All much more interesting than the truth, I'd bet."

"The crew will make up anything to liven up their days," Nyota said, rolling her eyes. "Two dozen people were in the gym when you had your accident, yet Christine told me that crewmen in the medbay last night were under the impression someone had cornered you in the closet and stabbed you during a harrowing fight."

The bridge erupted with howls of laughter. Hikaru laughed with them until he noticed that Pavel was sitting at the navigation panel, working quietly, shoulders hunched.

He had been in the medbay last night.

Hikaru waved that Captain off and sat down at the helm. Pavel glanced at him but said nothing.

"Thank you," Hikaru said quietly. "I know it was your blood they gave me."

"Don't thank me," Pavel said flatly. "We're the only AB negative crewmen, and they gave me all of the blood you've donated in the last six months when I had surgery. So really, I was just giving you back your own blood."

"Well, I'm still thankful," Hikaru said firmly.

Pavel didn't speak to him during the rest of the shift.

* * *

**MESSAGE FROM ENSIGN PAVEL CHEKOV**

**OPEN NOW?**

Hikaru nearly dropped his PADD in his haste to open the message. A hysterical burst of laughter bubbled out of him when he read the words:

_I need to talk to you tonight. _

Hikaru typed back:

_Come on over, I'm free any time._

He threw his PADD down and ran to the mirror to check his reflection. He took a shaky breath, willing himself to calm down and stop shaking. It didn't work.

Underneath the anxiety was excitement. Pavel had initiated the communication this time—progress!

The time Hikaru waited for Pavel to come over felt like forever, but he still jumped when he heard the knock on his door. "It's open," he called. The door slid open and revealed Pavel in his black recreation uniform. Maybe it was a trick of the clothing, but Hikaru thought Pavel looked unusually thin.

Pavel closed the door behind him. He did not move to sit down, instead standing with his arms crossed.

Hikaru ran a hand through his hair. "Hi, Pavel. What did you want to talk about?"

Pavel blinked once and simply looked at him. Finally he spoke.

"I'm breaking up with you."

* * *

Hikaru never thought he'd see the day where he begged for mercy.

* * *

"Get up," Pavel snapped. "I will not be moofed by displays of emotion."

"But _why_?" Hikaru said, voice cracking. "Pasha, baby, we can work this out. Please let us try to work this out!"

"Nothing I say will change ze outcome, so I will not bozzer telling you why if you haff not figured it out in ze _fucking month_ you haff had to think."

"Baby, sweetheart…please."

"We're through, Hikaru. It'll be a cold day in hell before I'm your boyfriend again."

He turned around.

The door shut behind him.

And he was gone.

* * *

Events concurrent with this chapter are chronicled in A Celebration of Bad Sex, chapters 14-15.

Events immediately following this chapter are chronicled in chapter 16.


	9. Chapter the Ninth

Author's note: This chapter immediately follows A Celebration of Bad Sex - Chapter 16. The entirety of Pavel's conversation with Dr. McCoy is in that chapter, if you're interested.

* * *

Hikaru collapsed onto the bed, numb from the shock.

_I'm breaking up with you._

He swallowed the bile that surged upwards into his throat. He needed to keep it together. He needed to—to—

Who was he kidding? He had nowhere to be for many hours, and now he had nobody to see. The one person he really cared about had just walked out of his life, and though he knew why, it still felt unexpected.

_I'm breaking up with you._

His whole body jerked. His eyes and sinuses burned, and perhaps a tear spilled over. Perhaps he cried like a wretch while desperately trying to detect a whiff of Pavel's heady scent on the pillow he always slept on. If he broke down, well, nobody would ever know, so why bother being embarrassed about it? Besides, grown men were allowed to mourn the love of their lives.

He sat unmoving for a minute, trying to process what had just happened. His mind kicked into emergency mode, and he listed all the reasons, out loud, that his reaction was too emotional, too _extreme_ for the situation. His brain and heart started to war with one another.

"You're a grown-ass man, Hikaru."

Grown men were allowed to feel emotions. God knows the doctor and Jim told Commander Spock that every damn day.

"You've been dumped before. Life goes on."

He'd never been dumped by someone he truly loved. He had no idea how life would go on.

"You fucked up. You got what you deserved."

Didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Scratch that. Maybe he fucked up."

Please.

"You weren't made for each other."

His hours spent researching Russian wedding customs suggested otherwise.

"It wasn't serious."

That was an evil lie, and Hikaru's chest constricted painfully. His love for Pavel was the best, most noble part of him. Loving Pavel had made him a better person, and to deny it was to dishonor both of them.

"You're going to get past this."

And a man in the ocean had a chance of being seen by a passing ship, but it didn't make the situation any less dire.

He moved robotically through the bedtime routine, barely noticing what he was doing until he tripped over his boots and collided with the bulkhead. The bump on his head didn't even register, so great was the pain in his chest.

He'd have to leave the Enterprise. There was no way he'd be able to stay on if he'd have to sit next to Pavel every day for years. He began to imagine how he'd say his goodbyes, and it already felt like he'd lost more than one person tonight.

He fell into bed.

The twenty-ninth sonnet flitted through his mind, unbidden. He heard the second line repeated in his mind, in Pavel's sweet accent: _I all alone beweep my outcast state…_

_I'm breaking up with you._

Memories of Pavel reading the sonnets flooded him, and he miserably reached over for his emergency stash of diphenhydramine sleep meds. Ignoring the label warnings, he swallowed twice the recommended dose and, for the first time in his life, hoped he wouldn't wake up.

As shameful as it was to admit it, Pavel was the center of his life, and he had no interest in finding a new one.

* * *

Pavel walked out of the medbay, head spinning from the conversation he'd just had with Dr. McCoy. Could it be that the man really did know _everything_?

He'd gone to see Dr. McCoy immediately after breaking up with Hikaru. Aleksy's depression had improved dramatically after being prescribed pills, Pavel remembered, so perhaps Dr. McCoy could prescribe something for his heartbreak.

He'd prescribed talking to Hikaru. Something about his stern-yet-sad gaze hit Pavel at his very core, and he knew that it was the right thing to do.

Remembering his cruel words about hell freezing over, he stopped off in his bedroom to grab a quilt before going to see Hikaru.

Hikaru didn't answer after knocking three times, so he typed in the code and poked his head in. "Hikaru?" he whispered. "Are you here?"

The lump in the bed didn't move. A sudden ache to join Hikaru pushed him into the room and he softly laid the quilt on top of Hikaru, then joined Hikaru under the blankets. He patted Hikaru's face. "Hikaru, please wake up. I need to talk to you."

Hikaru blearily cracked open his eyes. To Pavel's great astonishment, he smiled. "Hey, you."

Pavel smiled back. "Hi, Hikaru. I'm sorry to come here like zis, but—"

"I don't care," breathed Hikaru. He pulled Pavel to him and kissed him gently. Pavel let him for a few moments, then pulled away.

"Hikaru, as nice as zis is, we need to talk first."

Hikaru looked at him oddly, as though he didn't understand. Comprehension finally hit him, and his happiness turned to shock.

"Pavel?"

Pavel nodded. "I'm here. Zis is not a dream."

Hikaru sat up awkwardly. He rubbed his eyes and massaged his temples, as if that would help him wake up. "Pavel, why are you here? What's going on? And what's this blanket for?" He pointed to the quilt.

Pavel fidgeted. "Lights at 25%," he said after a moment. "Zere is much we need to talk about, and I didn't want you to wake up still sad. Ze quilt is for, um…well, I said it would be a cold day in hell before we dated again."

Hikaru was too tired to understand Pavel's little joke. "What are you saying? Why are you here?"

Pavel shook his head sadly. "You are too tired tonight. We will talk later." He started to get out of bed, but Hikaru grabbed his arm. "Tell me anything you want, Pavel. I'm awake and I'm listening."

The younger man deliberated for a moment, then climbed back in. "I haff much to tell you, and zen I promise you will haff many question for me."

Hikaru nodded. "Okay. Just let me wake up." He got out of bed and shuffled to the sink, where he splashed cold water on his face. It only helped a little. He still wasn't entirely sure this was a bizzaro stress dream. "Okay, I'm ready."

Pavel seemed to brace himself. "Last night, I was seeing Dr. Simpson for my two week checkup when a crewman came into ze medbay and said you'd been attacked in a closet." Hikaru cringed. Pavel ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I can't tell you all ze things zat went through my mind in zat moment, but ze biggest was regret. For a few minutes I thought you were dead. And not just dead, but murdered in ze exact same way zat I was attacked. I thought—I thought—I thought zat you had died scared and alone in a closet, like I almost did."

Hikaru's eyes were wide. What on _earth_ had brought this speech on? He was instantly more awake.

"And zen when you came in on ze stretcher, cowered in blood and unconscious, I felt so much luff for you. I wanted to find ze person I thought had hurt you and rip them apart with my bare hands." Pavel cocked his head to the side. "And if you did not reweal your attacker, as I chose not to at first, I would haff shaken you in anger, too. I understood a lot about you in zat moment."

"Pavel, what is—"

Pavel held a hand up. "Let me finish, please." Hikaru nodded. "Of course, it came out zat you had had an accident and zat zere had been no 'harrowing fight', as ze lieutenant put it. I gafe my blood and went back to my quarters, wery confused and emotional. I decided to talk to you again." Then Pavel covered his face with his hands. "Zis morning, zo, you looked so happy and carefree, and it seemed to highlight my own anger and sadness and pain. I thought zat you had, well, moofed on."

"Oh my god, Pasha, no," Hikaru said, voice breaking once more. Pavel uncovered his face, his eyes large and sad.

"So I ended it. I was so happy zat you were not attacked like I was, but I was also so _angry_ zat you seemed happy. I thought zat ending our relationship for good would giff me a chance to moof on, too."

Hikaru blinked back tears. _How_ could Pavel think he'd recovered from last month's horror? He took Pavel's hand in his own.

"What made you came back tonight?"

Pavel looked embarrassed. "I went to Dr. McCoy to see if he'd giff me pills to make me happy again. He said no, and zen I was telling him ewerything. He told me to go talk to you." He shrugged. "He is one of zose men you can't disobey." He shifted uncomfortably. "He made me realize zat I newer told you what _really_ upset me zat night. I assumed you knew, but I did not _know_."

Hikaru was confused. "You told me what it was a few nights later, right?" He couldn't bear to repeat it.

Pavel's mouth twisted into a frown. "Hikaru, if you had done anything else zat night without asking, I might haff responded differently. But, you must see, when we are haffing our kinky sex where you are in charge and I am being tied up or dominated, being able to talk back is how I haff my power. You might be tying me up and using toys, but as long as I am able to call you silly names and be sarcastic—"

"—we're on an even playing field," Hikaru said, comprehension dawning in a not-altogether-unpleasant way.

Pavel nodded sadly. "Now, maybe ze pill worked against me zat night by causing mood swings, but when you took my power from me, it felt like I was back in ze impulse closet, and I do not think zat ze pill made me feel like zat. I really was scared."

"I'm so sorry, Pasha."

"I know, and I knew a month ago zat you were. But I was just so…so…_crushed_ because I was forced to associate zat powerless feeling with you. You were like a pillar to me during ze early days of therapy. Dr. Simpson did not think zat I was ready to haff sex so soon, but I told her zat no matter what, you would newer hurt me." Hikaru hid his face in his hands. Pavel gently pulled his hands away and cupped his chin. "Please don't hide your face. I am wery fond of it, and I haff not looked at it for a long time now."

They looked at each other for a long moment, then Pavel said, voice low and serious, "It all came down to me, and whether I was willing to belief zat you made an honest mistake. I know you did. Do you remember zat night when we talked about our fantasies for ze first time?"

"Yes," Hikaru said, trying to connect the memory to this sobering monologue.

"I said I trusted you, and zat I thought you were not a psychopath, and zat I thought you luffed me." Pavel bit his lip. "Somehow I forgot zat, and I'm terribly sorry."

Hikaru made himself look at Pavel's loving, open face. "So I'm forgiven, then?"

Pavel smiled and nodded. "Yes, I forgiff you. If we're at zat point in ze conwersation, zen I must make my own apology." He looked down. "I am sorry for not talking to you. A lack of communication is what got us here in ze first place. Silence would not fix it. Please forgiff me, Hikaru."

Hikaru looked away. "I don't know, Pasha. You really hurt me."

Pavel inhaled and bit his lip. "I'm so sorry, Hikaru. I know it is a big thing, but—"

Hikaru started laughing. "I'm kidding, bozo." He tweaked Pavel's nose and pulled him down onto the bed, tickling him without mercy. "Consider this my revenge."

They talked for a while after that about many things. Though their estrangment had been a whole month, not much had happened in the interim. Pavel admitted to sulking in his room most of the time. Hikaru admitted he'd waited in the gym every night for Pavel to show up.

"Hikaru, I knew you'd be zere, so I didn't go." Hikaru blushed, and Pavel laughed. "Now I feel bad, because you would not haff had an accident if you'd been elsewhere."

Hikaru's eyes began to burn with tiredness, and he asked if he could lay on Pavel's stomach. "Just for a moment," he murmured. "I need to rest my eyes."

Pavel obliged, and Hikaru was asleep seconds later. Pavel fell asleep not long after.

* * *

It's not over yet, folks!


	10. Two Years Later

Everyone cheered.

The beaming groom offered his arm to his new bride and together they walked down the small aisle, occasionally high-fiving their crewmates. The crowd whistled and clapped as they walked through the double doors into the reception hall, and then everyone followed, chatting happily.

Two young men lingered in the back to talk to the Captain.

"How do you feel, now that you've performed your first wedding?" Hikaru asked Jim, who was nervously tugging on the sleeves of his dress uniform.

"Not gonna lie, I was nervous. It's one of those things that you have to get right the first time, because it's your only shot."

Pavel scoffed. "Don't worry, Captain. Ze only people who really cared about what you were saying were Aleksy and Rebecca, and I don't think zey were paying attention, honestly."

They all laughed, and then Jim looked thoughtful. "How long do you think they're going to insist we call them the Ensigns Wiznewski-Winterbottom? I'm giving it a month."

"I don't know, man, they're awfully in love. They might keep that jawcruncher for a long time."

"Zey will keep it until ze Quartermaster refuses to put zat on zeir nametapes."

Spock poked his head into the empty wedding hall. "Captain, your presence is required at the reception."

Jim sighed and followed Spock out, leaving Pavel and Hikaru alone. Hikaru took Pavel's hand. "I didn't want to steal Aleksy and Rebecca's thunder by bringing it up, but happy anniversary." He pecked Pavel on the cheek.

Pavel grinned and squeezed his hand. "Happy anniversary to you, too. It's been a great two years."

Hikaru inclined his head towards the doors. "Shall we celebrate by getting drunk and embarrassing the newlyweds?"

"_Da_, we shall."

* * *

"Dance with me, Mr. Chekov?"

"I'm a terrible dancer, Mr. Sulu. Whoa!"

Hikaru led the incredulous Russian to the dance floor by his sleeve.

* * *

The sharp _dings_ of the fork on the champagne flute silenced the crowd, and Pavel stood up, slightly pink from the wine and the attention.

"I'd like to make a toast," he began slowly, glancing down at Aleksy and Rebecca, who were blushing furiously. He took a deep breath, all his fond memories of Aleksy flooding through his mind.

* * *

"So basically, Rebecca, never ever lend your best tunic to your new husband, because you will _regret _it."

Hikaru lifted his drink in a toast and Aleksy hid his face in his hands. Everyone roared with laughter and toasted with him.

* * *

"Knock me out, please," Pavel moaned, kicking off his dress shoes and falling back onto the hotel bed. "I feel like shit." Hikaru took off his cummerbund and bowtie and sat down next to Pavel.

"You're not drunk though, just dehydrated. You're going to be fine."

Pavel groaned and pulled the sheet around him. Hikaru finished undressing and fetched a glass of tepid water from the bathroom and put it on Pavel's side table. He crawled in next to Pavel and gently poked his nose.

"Hey, bottle fairy. You awake?"

Pavel squeezed his eyes tight and shook his head.

"Good, because there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"I'm not an alcoholic. We're supposed to drink at weddings. And wasn't it your idea, anyway?"

Hikaru swatted Pavel. "No, that's not what I meant. I wanted to talk about us."

Pavel cracked open an eye. "What about us?"

Hikaru fidgeted. "Well, the wedding got me thinking about our future. We've been together for a few years now, and I'm really happy."

"I'm really happy, too," Pavel said in a rush.

"Good! I mean, that's really good to hear," Hikaru said, smiling. There was an awkward pause, and then: "So, I was wondering what you see in our future."

To Hikaru's immense relief, Pavel didn't look bothered by the question. "I will answer, but I want to hear your answer first, because clearly you haff been thinking about it a lot."

"Oh, you know, sometimes I think about maybe making our cohabitation official on the roster," Hikaru said, aiming for nonchalant and missing it by a light-year. "That would be nice."

"Okay, we will moof in when we get back from zis shore leave. And do you want to moof in togezzer when we are back home?"

Hikaru nodded.

Pavel scrubbed his eyes. "Okay, we can moof in. But I want to take ewerything slowly."

Hikaru squished his nose to Pavel's. "Our motto," he murmured.

Pavel brushed his lips against his. "Really slow. No surprises."

Pavel fell asleep more or less at once, but Hikaru lingered in consciousness for a while longer, Aleksy and Rebecca's overjoyed faces swimming in his mind. A promise was a promise, however, and he would not push things faster than Pavel was comfortable with.

* * *

Pavel was unusually quiet during shore leave, and the week following their return to the Enterprise. When Hikaru pressed him to find out with what he was so preoccupied, Pavel pecked him on his lips and said "work stuff."

They officially requested to cohabitate, and Spock approved their request within an hour. They celebrated with sex.

* * *

**MESSAGE FROM ENSIGN PAVEL CHEKOV**

Hikaru opened the message.

_I can't find my phaser! Help!_

"Oh, _shit_," Hikaru breathed. They'd just gotten through annual phaser retraining that afternoon, so Pavel would've had his issued sidearm on him for a large portion of the day. It could be anywhere.

He quickly replied back: _Don't freak out. We'll find it. Where do you know for sure you had it last?_

Ten seconds later: _I was doing some errands around the ship. I'll send a list of the places I was and you can look around._ A few seconds later, a second message: _The legal counsel's office, the botanical garden, the interfaith chapel, the quartermaster, and the library. Go in that order, and ask the people there what I was doing, it may give you clues._

The last sentence struck Hikaru as a little odd (why that particular order?), but he didn't worry. He left his quarters at a brisk pace and went to the legal counsel's office.

Yeoman Lutz looked up from his terminal when Hikaru walked in. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant. How can I help you today?"

"Ensign Chekov thought he might have left a personal item here today when he working. I'm helping him look for it. Can you tell me which terminal he was working on?"

"Oh, the young man from earlier? He was working over there for nearly half an hour." He pointed to a row of computer terminals in the corner. "I don't know what he was doing, though."

Hikaru went over to the terminal at the far end and saw that Pavel had left the terminal on. In fact, he hadn't logged out. The computer showed a document-in-progress with the word WILL centered and underlined at the top. The file was named "will", too.

"Did Ensign Chekov ever ask you about writing a will?" Hikaru called over to Yeoman Lutz. Lutz nodded. "Last week, after everyone got back from shore leave. At first I was concerned, but then he told me that his friend's wedding had gotten him thinking about the future. Smart man, if you ask me."

Hikaru thanked the Yeoman and logged out of the computer, making sure to look for the phaser before he left. It was nowhere to be seen, so he continued on to the botanical garden.

"Hello, Lieutenant!" Lieutenant junior grade Ihejirika nearly skipped over to him. "Are you here to see what Ensign Chekov did today?"

Hikaru was too stunned to speak for a few seconds. "Ensign Chekov was, uh, _doing_ something here today?" As much as he loved Pavel, he wasn't sure how he felt about him banging about the garden unsupervised.

The tiny lieutenant nodded fervently. "He's been working on a project for a week! He said he told you. It's the Taxus Initiative."

Hikaru stared. "What?"

"Come look," she said with a laugh, beckoning for him to follow. "He's been planning it all week, but today he set it up. Right there." She pointed, and Hikaru saw a small patch of earth in the corner that had three saplings in it. A small placard in the dirt said YEW. "Taxus is the scientific name of the yew tree family."

"The Taxus Initiative," Hikaru said, utterly confused. "Why is he growing Yew trees?"

The botanist scratched her head. "You know, I asked him the same thing, and all he said was that, and I quote, 'they're pieces in a puzzle.' And when I asked him what on earth he was talking about, he just said 'make sure Hikaru knows.'" She looked at him. "Do you know what he meant?"

"Pieces in a puzzle," he repeated, brow furrowed. "No, I don't know what he meant. Thank you, though."

He looked around for the phaser, but it wasn't there. He left for the chapel, pondering his strange little quest. He had a growing feeling that whatever he was supposed to be looking for, it definitely wasn't a phaser.

"Good afternoon, Father Goetz," Hikaru said politely when he entered the dark, quiet space. The clergyman looked up from his PADD and smiled warmly.

"Lieutenant Sulu, it's nice to see you. What can I do for you today?"

"I'm helping Ensign Chekov look for a personal item that he misplaced. Do you know what he was doing in here today?"

Father Goetz was surprised. "Was he here? I just got back from regular counseling in the medbay, so I'd have no idea. There were no services today, though. He might have been in one of the prayer and meditation rooms." He gestured to the rest of the chapel. "Feel free to look around."

Hikaru looked up and down the pews of the chapel and found nothing. He peeked into the confessional and group prayer room with its rolled up prayer rugs—nothing. Finally, he looked at the PADD with the list of the individual prayer room reservations for the day and saw that Pavel had reserved room three for an hour that day, and that it was currently empty.

The small room—a closet, really—was set aside for the Catholic and Orthodox crewmembers. Little hatches opened up to display various Christian icons. Temporarily distracted, Hikaru took a moment to open up each hatch and admire the beautiful artwork inside. When he reached the largest one, he paused. It was ajar, and a tiny flickering could be seen from one side.

Hikaru opened up the hatch to reveal a breathtaking statue of the Virgin Mary. A very familiar flameless candle was at her feet; Hikaru picked it up and saw his initials written on the bottom, which confirmed that Pavel had put this candle there. He set the candle down at the Virgin's feet and gently closed the hatch. He sat down on the small cushioned chair and reviewed everything that had brought him to this spot.

Everything about this whole afternoon was weird. It wasn't weird, exactly, that Pavel had been in the chapel—though not religious, Pavel had once admitted that he prayed now and again. Hikaru couldn't really put his finger on what was off about these places and things. He didn't know Pavel was creating a will, but that wasn't out of the ordinary. It was surprising that he was dabbling in botany, but then again, he was dating a botanist.

"Pieces in a puzzle," Hikaru said to himself. "What are the pieces? What is the puzzle?"

And then, all at once, Hikaru realized that the phaser was just a ruse to pull him along from place to place. Pavel was playing a game with him. Grinning, he ran out of the chapel and to the Quartermaster's office.

Two minutes later, he nearly crashed into the Yeoman working by the desk.

"Yeesh! Where are you going in such a hurry, Sulu?" Lieutenant Hornada frowned and dusted off her uniform.

"Sorry, Hornada. I just need to know, what was Chekov doing in here today?"

Hornada rolled her eyes and went around the counter. "He was ordering name tapes for himself. He said you'd be in here later to pick them up." She pulled out a small package from under the counter. "Two name tapes, standard size and print. Have fun."

Hikaru ignored her tone and pulled out the nametapes, frowning. They were just normal labels with Pavel Chekov written on them in block letters.

"Are you sure this is all? He wasn't doing anything?"

Hornada might as well have had a FUCK OFF nametape on her forehead, so he thanked her and rushed out of the office.

The last stop was the library. Without breaking his stride, he went over to the Yeoman in charge and asked what Pavel had done there that day. She pursed her lips and tried to recall.

"He asked me the definition of a Standard word. I can't remember, but it should be in the dictionary history. I think it began with an R." She took a PADD off her desk. "This is the one I used."

Hikaru scrolled through the history until he found the only word looked up that day: rebus. What the heck was a rebus? Good thing he had a dictionary literally in his hands. He clicked on the link in the history and read.

_re·bus [ree-buhs]_

_a puzzle consisting of pictures representing syllables and words; in such a puzzle the word 'hear' might be represented by H followed by a picture of an ear_

Hikaru understood instantly. He sat down in an armchair and kicked his brain into critical-thinking mode.

The first place had been the legal counsel's office. What did it signify in the rebus? An office? Counsel? Lawyer? It was extraordinarily vague, so he moved on.

The second one was a bit easier, if his hunch was right. The secret project was called the Taxus Initiative, or basically, the Yew Initiative. The placard had said YEW and nothing else. Pavel had directed all attention to that one word, so Hikaru was sure that the second word in the rebus was "you."

The third one was just as vague as the first. Pavel had directed Hikaru to the prayer room, and to the candle. Pray? Room? Statue? Candle?

The fourth word was, obviously, Pavel's name.

"So…blank you blank Pavel Chekov," he said to himself. He concentrated on the first word again. What word was prominent in the legal counsel's office? He closed his eyes and remembered…

Pavel had been working on his will. He'd left the document open for him to find with only that word on it.

The first word was "will."

Will.

You.

Hikaru bolted upward, heart racing. The rebus was suddenly very easy.

The candle had been at the feet of the Virgin Mary.

Will.

You.

Marry.

He pulled the nametapes out of his pocket—the easiest part of the puzzle. The fourth word was—the words were-Pavel Chekov.

_Will you marry Pavel Chekov_

His comm device buzzed, and a text message from Pavel popped onto the screen. It contained no words, merely a question mark.

_?_

Pavel was watching him somehow. The room was quite large, with many shelves. It wasn't hard to peek through them and spy on someone.

Hikaru looked around, but Pavel was nowhere to be seen. Where was he? Would he come out to greet Hikaru?

An idea popped into his head and, heart thumping wildly, he dashed over to the row of shelves where he and Pavel had gone that first night, more than two years ago. He rounded the corner and saw Pavel kneeling by the bottom shelf. Hikaru froze. Pavel looked up at him and smiled broadly.

"I could not find my phaser, but I did find zis wery nice ring down here. Do you want it?" He held up a gold band.

Hikaru held out a hand and helped Pavel to his feet. He stroked Pavel's cheek and bumped his nose against his. "_Da_," he whispered. He pulled Pavel into a kiss.

**Fin**

**?**


End file.
